In walks this woman
With her soul in her hands
A little bit of darkness
Her light shines
Essence of tragedy
Her soul beams
See her walk in
With her soul in her hands
There you find a woman
Made. Not Born
Birth cannot make this
Tragic Darkness shine
Her soul sings, divine
Her soul is terrifying
Her soul is alive
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Monday, June 17, 2013
Human Heart
My human side is crying, tonight
I need to see my soul
Look deeply within my own eyes and see
All the lessons pertaining to me.
My soul is ancient
My heart is new
My spirit sings in breathlessness
My spirit sings to me
Comforts my aching humanity
How do I remember the dreams in my soul
How do I remember my place in life
How do I get past this mortal flesh and live, again
My Human side is crying, tonight
My Soul is holding onto me, tight
Ancient fire burning bright
Ancient answers living inside
Ancient, I am ancient
I am here for a purpose
For a message
And yet, I seek
A human who does not exist.
Oh, stay my heart from tears
Quiet my human burning
Quiet the story my flesh sings
Let me complete my purpose
The design I designed, just for me
My human side is crying, tonight
Monday, June 10, 2013
A couple of Visual Meditations
I enjoy meditation and seeking the inner realms. One night during a meditation, this is what I saw.
01/02/13
I saw a woman upon a dais. Wearing sky satin blue with the symbol of a left-sided crescent moon and a circle, between them.. two arrows. One pointing up and the other pointing down. Very similar to the symbol I use in my artist signature. CXO…only her way feels right and my way was not correct, it was close but now I know my sigil.
She had a baby. She was Royal
Dark hair and green eyes. She wore the crescent moon upon her forehead-a band around her head.
She was lovely and graceful and loved the child. The dais was opulent and luxurious.
A lion gave me my sword, from his mouth came my protection.
the sword was placed upon my hands
The lion spoke to me-of my protection, of my courage and of my valor
I saw smoke rolling and fire behind me, I was short and seeing through the eyes of a child, saved-the only survivor by a man and a woman in a carriage
I was told that I have always been alone
never feeling as tho I belong
I have sought the sigil of protection many times, I am a seeker and a finder.
I always find what I seek.
Even tho I am alone, I am not really alone, not ever because I always find what I need. In this, I am protected.
this evening of the third morning of the fourth, I seek my sigil, my protection, the meaning.
01/04/13
As I begin, I lie before me Rock of Earth, Crystal as water, Candle as fire and incense as air. Manuscripts of sigils and symbols, pen, pencil, journal of the angels, a wand and selenite. Including my hand written journal. Around my neck is my male/female athame set. To begin the circle, I will use a thin knitted scarf, woven by me, connected.
Within the knitted circle
Sit I
Strings woven
Interwoven Connecting all of life.
Air around me
Stir Round and round
Create a circle fair
Create a circle wide
Protect my thoughts
Protect my dreams
That I might see
A sigil about me
A sigil of my ancestry
Protection
Grounding
Inner Sight
Let this sigil be seen
So mote it be.
I was a bit trepidations as I began my journey.
Flickering candlelight ans sandalwood incense, no music, only my breath and the ringing sound of silence with a higher octave of intention. I could see the flickering light behind closed eyes and almost felt the light was an interruption. I saw myself waking into a meadow where my large oak tree lived and was my Asian bald man monk. in an orange robe, smiling at me and bidding me welcome. I had trouble staying there. yet, he was guiding me. I don't remember the worlds. flickering light and Adele's song "Rolling in the deep" kept playing in my head, then I went deeper within the higher octave ringing and my mind connected with greater expanse. Everything turned to liquid. Here, I was still hiding onto fear. Spider was there, leading me to connect mind to heart to greeter expanse. My heart beat with anticipation and fear of letting go. Spider said, you are holding tightly onto your fear. and I said, I know. And I yelled out my desires of all that I wanted and that I wasn't. Spider told my to trust. I said I would trust. Spider said let go of your protection and I let go. As I lied upon my bed, I gave myself to spider to lead me into the dream. Candles out, closed eyes and I could see her web. I could see her and her womb was painted with stars. She said come and I followed her into the dream. You don't have to be afraid. Do not use fear as your protection for it will bind your.
There are a couple of visual meditations… I have more written down… There are some cool lessons within the visions… they have deep meaning for me. Basically how and who I am is deeply interwoven in the visual meditations. Some may not fully "get" what I have written…and that is okay… The ones who will.. will.
01/02/13
I saw a woman upon a dais. Wearing sky satin blue with the symbol of a left-sided crescent moon and a circle, between them.. two arrows. One pointing up and the other pointing down. Very similar to the symbol I use in my artist signature. CXO…only her way feels right and my way was not correct, it was close but now I know my sigil.
She had a baby. She was Royal
Dark hair and green eyes. She wore the crescent moon upon her forehead-a band around her head.
She was lovely and graceful and loved the child. The dais was opulent and luxurious.
A lion gave me my sword, from his mouth came my protection.
the sword was placed upon my hands
The lion spoke to me-of my protection, of my courage and of my valor
I saw smoke rolling and fire behind me, I was short and seeing through the eyes of a child, saved-the only survivor by a man and a woman in a carriage
I was told that I have always been alone
never feeling as tho I belong
I have sought the sigil of protection many times, I am a seeker and a finder.
I always find what I seek.
Even tho I am alone, I am not really alone, not ever because I always find what I need. In this, I am protected.
this evening of the third morning of the fourth, I seek my sigil, my protection, the meaning.
01/04/13
As I begin, I lie before me Rock of Earth, Crystal as water, Candle as fire and incense as air. Manuscripts of sigils and symbols, pen, pencil, journal of the angels, a wand and selenite. Including my hand written journal. Around my neck is my male/female athame set. To begin the circle, I will use a thin knitted scarf, woven by me, connected.
Within the knitted circle
Sit I
Strings woven
Interwoven Connecting all of life.
Air around me
Stir Round and round
Create a circle fair
Create a circle wide
Protect my thoughts
Protect my dreams
That I might see
A sigil about me
A sigil of my ancestry
Protection
Grounding
Inner Sight
Let this sigil be seen
So mote it be.
I was a bit trepidations as I began my journey.
Flickering candlelight ans sandalwood incense, no music, only my breath and the ringing sound of silence with a higher octave of intention. I could see the flickering light behind closed eyes and almost felt the light was an interruption. I saw myself waking into a meadow where my large oak tree lived and was my Asian bald man monk. in an orange robe, smiling at me and bidding me welcome. I had trouble staying there. yet, he was guiding me. I don't remember the worlds. flickering light and Adele's song "Rolling in the deep" kept playing in my head, then I went deeper within the higher octave ringing and my mind connected with greater expanse. Everything turned to liquid. Here, I was still hiding onto fear. Spider was there, leading me to connect mind to heart to greeter expanse. My heart beat with anticipation and fear of letting go. Spider said, you are holding tightly onto your fear. and I said, I know. And I yelled out my desires of all that I wanted and that I wasn't. Spider told my to trust. I said I would trust. Spider said let go of your protection and I let go. As I lied upon my bed, I gave myself to spider to lead me into the dream. Candles out, closed eyes and I could see her web. I could see her and her womb was painted with stars. She said come and I followed her into the dream. You don't have to be afraid. Do not use fear as your protection for it will bind your.
There are a couple of visual meditations… I have more written down… There are some cool lessons within the visions… they have deep meaning for me. Basically how and who I am is deeply interwoven in the visual meditations. Some may not fully "get" what I have written…and that is okay… The ones who will.. will.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
The Dead Are Living In My Mind Tonight
Flashes of faces come and go
Memories like pictures fade
Until the moment they live again
The mind is awkward
The mind is strong
A scent of perfume
A lost love song
A simple scarf around a neck
A smile from one face to another
And I see you, alive again
I remember you
I remember the first moment our eyes connected
The way you walked in your heels
The dress you were wearing
So beautiful
My surprise, when you smiled at me
Your first hello
Flashes of you
Flashes of you
You and I, friends
We became friends that night
You are alive in my mind, tonight
Living and walking
Breathing and being
Your energy touching mine
I feel
Tangible words do not exist
Because you smiled
And I smiled
We met and our lives collided
There is unfinished business between us
You are dead and I am living
Your energy is calling
Your energy is a reminder
A beautiful reminder
My tears are for the loss
Your awkward grace
Your misshapen hands
And tilted feet
I remember you
Thursday, April 25, 2013
The Path Of Woman
The path of Woman
And her way
Her being
Strength and beauty
Determination and Triumph
Where is her path
Where does life begin
Her Womb weeps tears
Blood red tears
Heart wrenching and Heart clenching
Breathe in peace
Breathe in hope
Breathe in Death
With Death we change
We grow
We become older
Gracefully older
Wisdom weeps
Wisdom seeks
Wisdom engages
Love is in her hand
Her hand holds many hands
Those hands hold onto hearts
Those hearts remain open
Hear the song of woman
Hear her song
She is peace
She is beauty
She is lovely
Dance with her dream
Around a fire
With drums
We shall weep together
We shall weep together
We shall embrace one another
Embracing the Time
Embracing the World
Embracing the Soul
Hearts lifting up
Hearts lifting up
yeah...
Monday, April 15, 2013
Mourning Love's loss
I am still in mourning.
I am a bit angry because of the feelings.
I am sad.
I am not an unhappy person.
I ache, on the inside
for what could have been
For what isn't.
For the memory,
The one that did not happen
Sometimes, you understand and you understand and you understand
And then you still understand…
Until the understanding feels like an excuse…
I always tell what I feel
I always say to folks, what it is….inside me
The "what is" always seems to backfire.
Then the time comes, when I cannot say what I feel anymore
Because what I feel…doesn't really matter
What I feel is of no consequence…
I heard today, you will find someone, Dona..
You are sooooo beautiful…you have to have lots of folks knocking down your door…
no…
no…no
I don't.
Either I get scared…or they get scared
Or the relationship is taboo… yeah…freaking taboo.
How do you stop the mourning
When the ones you want, you see…often…
A look and a smile… a quick glance… and look away…remembering…
I can't even be totally honest about the whole affair on here…
And I want to be…honest about it all…so bad…
How do I stop feeling the yearning, for what isn't?
How do I stop the feeling?
I really don't know.
I don't have the answers… and I don't want to salve the wound with someone new
unless, that is what I need to do…no
And then I get scared…cause I want to say…something simple.. Like, I really miss you…
yet, I feel stupid in the whole act of saying those words…
Would the words mean the same to me as to the recipients?
I am really getting to old for this, for these feelings…
I don't want to bury the emotions…
yet, I want to un-feel them… because I cannot see the fairness of my mourning when I do not know if I am being mourned in return….
how do I stop this mourning?
I cry… I write..
I cry…I draw..
I cry…I create wire-wrapped tree pendants
I cry…I create dream catchers
and there…is nothing else…except lots of laundry and kitty litter…and a kid to raise and jobs to go to…and a car to drive and dogs to feed…and this life I live…and care for…on my own…
maybe I am lucky.
till I look around and see so many people together making life work…and then there is me…I do make my life work…I am tired of doing it alone…and tired of being loved as only a friend…I need to whole fricken thing…and I think I have lost the ability to have a real relationship…I never had the ability to have a real relationship…
so, here…I hide
Cover my wounds with tears
Cover my wounds with duct tape, so no one will see…
duct tape…yeah, I said duct tape…the pretty pink camouflage kind
I am a bit angry because of the feelings.
I am sad.
I am not an unhappy person.
I ache, on the inside
for what could have been
For what isn't.
For the memory,
The one that did not happen
Sometimes, you understand and you understand and you understand
And then you still understand…
Until the understanding feels like an excuse…
I always tell what I feel
I always say to folks, what it is….inside me
The "what is" always seems to backfire.
Then the time comes, when I cannot say what I feel anymore
Because what I feel…doesn't really matter
What I feel is of no consequence…
I heard today, you will find someone, Dona..
You are sooooo beautiful…you have to have lots of folks knocking down your door…
no…
no…no
I don't.
Either I get scared…or they get scared
Or the relationship is taboo… yeah…freaking taboo.
How do you stop the mourning
When the ones you want, you see…often…
A look and a smile… a quick glance… and look away…remembering…
I can't even be totally honest about the whole affair on here…
And I want to be…honest about it all…so bad…
How do I stop feeling the yearning, for what isn't?
How do I stop the feeling?
I really don't know.
I don't have the answers… and I don't want to salve the wound with someone new
unless, that is what I need to do…no
And then I get scared…cause I want to say…something simple.. Like, I really miss you…
yet, I feel stupid in the whole act of saying those words…
Would the words mean the same to me as to the recipients?
I am really getting to old for this, for these feelings…
I don't want to bury the emotions…
yet, I want to un-feel them… because I cannot see the fairness of my mourning when I do not know if I am being mourned in return….
how do I stop this mourning?
I cry… I write..
I cry…I draw..
I cry…I create wire-wrapped tree pendants
I cry…I create dream catchers
and there…is nothing else…except lots of laundry and kitty litter…and a kid to raise and jobs to go to…and a car to drive and dogs to feed…and this life I live…and care for…on my own…
maybe I am lucky.
till I look around and see so many people together making life work…and then there is me…I do make my life work…I am tired of doing it alone…and tired of being loved as only a friend…I need to whole fricken thing…and I think I have lost the ability to have a real relationship…I never had the ability to have a real relationship…
so, here…I hide
Cover my wounds with tears
Cover my wounds with duct tape, so no one will see…
duct tape…yeah, I said duct tape…the pretty pink camouflage kind
Friday, April 12, 2013
A Song Beginning
A song Beginning
I feel a song beginning
The birth of a new tune
A melody rich in caresses
A heart deeply enriched in goodness
I feel a song beginning.
Connect me to your energetic waves
An unmanned radio station, waiting
An analog signal vibrating, silently
Waiting for the time
Waiting on the wire
Antenna's perked and ready
The signal long since…waiting
Hear me now
Oh roar in the night
Hear me, I hear you beginning
There is a note in the file
A fire in the bookcase
A song in the heart
A toy in the chest
A dog outside, wandering
And I can hear your song beginning
Words spoken, they don't matter to me
I feel the intensity
I feel your analog dream
You are awake in my reality
Connect me to your energetic waves
An unmanned radio station, waiting
An analog signal vibrating, silently
Waiting for the time
Waiting on the wire.
yeah…there is a song, beginning
So, sing it already...
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