I've turned 40, by the trial of fire. I love being 40, the age thing is amazing! I feel young and healthy. Well,I was sick the entire week prior to my birthday. I made it tho!! My little sister came up for the weekend, to celebrate our birthdays.
Our mother is a different kind of person. Every thing she does is to serve her. She knows my sister doesn't eat pork. Well, guess what was on the menu. Nothing but pork. No one sees her, the way my sister and I do. No one really knows the bull shit residing in her.
The day before my birthday, she brings her entire storage unit of boxes to my house. I have a small house. No room for storage. Everything is in the yard and on my front porch. She said she was going to go thru the boxes and throw away things, sell things and then give away things that didn't sell. So far, her keep pile is large. On my birthday, she was still going thru boxes...she depressed HERSELF and told me that she didn't do anything for my actual birthday because she was sad about all the things she read in the boxes. Dead people's belongings. Like bills and crap from long dead relatives. Those things should have been thrown away long ago.
I'm just hurt because she didn't consider me at all. I do everything for her. Everything. And I am still having trouble with her lack of considering me. When I always consider her. I would really love for her to move out of my house. She is the one person who irks me. Who stresses me.
And then I feel bad. Am I supposed to be more compassionate? More patient? How do I heal from this? She has an inability to reach my expectations of a mom. My expectations have always been low, for her...but I always keep this hope...
I don't even know that I want to see all the lessons in this..except, I will aspire to be amazing and caring to all in my life. Without her inability, I would not have my abilities.
I am still hurt and mad.
"When another person makes you suffer, it is because he [she] suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That's the message he is sending."
ReplyDelete~Thich Nhat Hanh~
So easy to forget, sometimes..."it" isn't always about us and we have the ability to look beyond our Self and move past selfishness. Yeah, I know...so much easier to hang on to the selfish hurt. I don't want to. I want happy. I need happy.