Acupuncture

Acupuncture

I had a vision while having acupuncture done the other day.
I heard the words, you have to look creatively to see the door, in an alternate viewpoint.
I then saw a small old man in a white/creamy living light robe.
He was bald and a light lived within.
He smiled and the door he was walking into was not vertical, but a diagonal horizontal entry.
He was walking in and he let me know that my path is alternate. Yet it is there all I need to do is see it. Such a peace and knowledge... The knowing living inside. Come on, he was saying. Come inside.

Next, I saw a hall of open doors, one after another. Not on each side of the wall, but one behind the other. I could see them all. All were open and waiting. That is my path. So many places. There was a light coming from all the doors.

Next, I saw a tree. A large tree. Not here, not on earth. The tree was mossy and had steps leading up. Alive...and the atmosphere was wet and damp. I was a lizard. Broad and dark greenish brown. I lived on the tree. I felt the tree and knew her name. Every part was tantalizing and alive. I was small enough that I could be under the thick moss and touch her inner bark. Touching upon her knowing. The connections, all is connected. All is one.

In essence, all these represent an aspect of me. Guiding me to me by me. The answers live within,this I know. Trusting myself is Important. Trusting myself creates a vulnerability that really isn't there. The vulnerability is false. A false front that I have thrown up as a way to come up with a false reason for distrusting mySelf.

In recognizing this, Voila! Gone... Wow! We are all one, there is no reason why I "need" to hide behind a mask of anything...

05/08/2010

Existence and Time

How many other Existences are out there

In how many worlds must we die before our spirit ends its quest

I drive along the lonely highway and feel the touch of people dying

Have I died in one existence

Only to begin living again in another

Are those who have passed in this world

Alive in another and missing us

Is this why I feel you

You who have passed from this time

You who lives in another dimension

Time falls away and the flowers grow

The trees sing and dance and the the wind blows

I feel the essence of life flowing

I feel the essence of life growing

I feel the essence of life knowing

And see the things I don't understand

And feel the meaning of life hiding in the grass

I watch the footprint of the Spirit of Creation walk

Fast, oh so fast and I would like to keep up

And yet the footprints are swiftly moving

As wind blowing through the grass

So, here I am

Tasting life and acknowledging the essence

Feeling those who have passed and those who live

Knowing the movement of time and not understanding

One day, I will put it all together

All of time will combine

The worlds will collide

I will see all this that I feel and know

I will see you

That is when time will know

All of us who have passed before

Into the wind of intricate creation

The spirit within will dissipate and we will be whole

Dissipated within one time and one creation

One light

One love

One time

One being

Complete and whole

You see, because we are all the same

You and I

We live

We laugh

We love

And we cry

Who are you and

Who am I

Human's Be~ing

Residing within Existence and Time

04/07/11

Night

Simple sounds fill the night
Moths fly around the light
Candle flickers here and there
Crickets singing everywhere

Silence and sound
Quiet nature singing
The earth humming
The wind breathing
The trees dancing
I am part of all life
Connected

Simple sounds fill the night

Nothing Changes Who I am

I have been doing some reflecting. As most of my readers know, I am HIV POZ. My status does not change me. My status changes the way people see me. Some embrace me. Some simply disappear. Some put on the act of wanting to know more and I know that it is just to be nice so they can silently slip away as if I never existed. The more that I consider all of this, I know that none of this changes me. My status changes you. My status shakes you up and wakes you up and creates a new reality.

 I re-connected with a high school bud, a few weeks ago. A male. One that I crushed on. He and I chatted throughout the evening and he let me know that he was attracted to me and wanted to come see me…even tho he lives in another state. It would be nice to see him. So, before he could even contemplate a trip to come see me… I directed him to my blog. I asked him to read the story called "I'm Still Me" because it is a life changing story. He read it…and his response was, that is sad…and then he questioned me… Is it a true story? My response was WOW, no one has ever asked me that before… and yes…it is a true story…and then he said, I still think you are beautiful.

Does my HIV status have to change my beauty? no, I don't think so… I am beautiful. I am amazing. Nothing changes who I am…except, that story changes the way you see me.

I have had men tell me, I still want to fuck you… I have had men pursue me because they think because I am POZ that I am needy for love.

I am so not needy. Yes, I want love…I want love. I want love. I do not want pity. I do not want to be seen different and yet, I am seen different. Some people see me in a new light of respect, which is cool. I live my life like any other person except that I have to take a pill everyday to make sure I do not progress to any other diseases. I live my life to be happy and fulfilled. I live my life to take care of my son, so that he is happy and healthy. How is that any different?

I want to be looked at for who I am. Dona…

So, I don't know if I will hear back from my old high school friend. You know, and that is okay. Because, My story does not change me, it makes me even better, even stronger than I would have been if I had been just Negative Dona…now, I am Positive Dona…and that says a whole lot!

This is who I am:
Loving
Giving
Thoughtful
Considerate
Welcoming
Healing
Beautiful
Courageous
Unafraid
A mother
A sister
A daughter
A niece
A friend
A teacher
An artist
A writer
Positive

Nothing Changes Who I am and I only hope to one day find a person who cannot be changed and walk hand in hand, together…