I love the saxophone. I love the way the passion is played from the lips and from the heart...The breath of life externalized in art and sound.
All my life, I wanted to learn how to play that instrument.
As a pre-teen to teenager, I was extremely introverted and lacked confidence.
I often chose not to try things, simply because I did not want to fail and if I didn't do it, I would not make a fool of myself...
That was a horrible choice.
I have learned much since that time and now, I do everything that I want to do...I try...and I do it...and I do whatever I want to do, well.
In 1995 I started going through some changes. Life changes. Changing the way I made decisions. I had gotten involved with a few people who led a seriously detrimental lifestyle and I jumped right into it, head first...My world began to spin out of control and I was not happy. I could feel that something was gonna change and I was not sure what that was gonna be...and so, I began praying.
I started going to church again...as a matter of fact, my first night back to a church I was wearing a bright orange/flower cutsie outfit...one that flattered my cleavage and had quite a high hem line, flattering my rear... ;) High strappy heels... ummmm, the church happened to be a United Pentecostal church. The women still wear long skirts, long hair and no makeup...very old-fashioned...it was also a Revival week...I walked right up to the front row and sat down...the entire church looked at me...and I smiled very proudly... Honestly, I cannot believe that I did it...suddenly it was time for them to "save" me...I swear the entire church swarmed just to lay their hands on me so that I could recieve the blessing of Christ...
Needless to say, it was very over-whelming...Later, they told me that my Baptism when I was a child was not effective and I needed to be baptised all over again and I went ahead and did it...to make them happy...
Time went on and I eliminated the friendships that were tearing me down and I left Kansas City, for a while...I moved back to Arkansas for about 8 months. I needed to get in touch with myself, my prayer and my place in the world. It was during this time that I learned how prayer is answered and how faith is defined. I learned to ask for what I wanted and to believe that all I needed would be provided to me...Many prayers were answered in this time period and the one that I want to focus on now is "the saxophone".
One day, I was praying about the desire to learn how to play the Sax...I just didn't have enough money to buy one at that time...so, I prayed about it...and felt this peace...At that time I was working in a Tyson Chicken Factory, cutting out chicken butts and that my friends is a whole 'nother story... ;)
On one of my breaks, a woman I worked with came up to me and said here, God told me to give this to you. In her hand as a wad of cash. She was praying earlier in the day and felt compelled to give me $100. I told her that I could not accept it and she said no, she had to give it to me, she felt that I needed to buy something important with the money. As the money was placed in the palm of my hand, I had the sudden "knowing" that as soon as I got off work, I needed to go to Mena; a town about a little over a half an hour from the town I lived in...and find a music shop. There would be a saxophone there for me to buy for $100.
I did not have a car. My mom was my transportation and I told her what happened. She drove me to Mena and we found a music store. I walked in. There it was. The first one that I saw. I asked the guy how much and he said that one is $75. There is a piece broken but otherwise in good working condition. I bought it right then and there...bought the reeds and went home in a very happy and satisfied mood. I taught myself how to play that sax... the part that was broken, I never did get it fixed...I just went around that particular note...
Years have gone by. Time happened and I had different responsibliites and I did not pick that sax back up. There she sat, in her case, waiting...waiting...waiting...1997
2011...My son wants to play in band. He originally thought about playing the flute, because the band teacher wants more flute players...
I thought about it, and asked the kid if he would like to play the sax and his eyes lit up! He went and got her out of her case and I assembled the parts...and he blew...and it made a sound...he was hooked...
Today, I took the sax to a repair shop. I am hoping the part can be fixed so that my son can play this Sax in band. What would be even cooler is if it only cost $25, to equal the full $100 that was given to me all those years ago...We shall see what this instrument has in store for us...
Time happens and emotions happen and things change...My brother died in a car wreck and part of me stopped living...I stepped back into the wild life again...running hard and fast and falling apart...drinking every night and dancing... I did not want to think...and then my son happened...becoming pregnant woke me back up to reality and I knew that I had to get back on track...Life became clear and my son saved me from an early death...That, my friends...is a whole 'nother story... because I am not supposed to be able to have children...
Sure, I was unwed...single...my son's father went back to his ex-wife before I told him that I was pregnant, so I didn't tell him til later... (he was mad for a while)
Sure, a couple of years later I become a bit more Positive than I ever would have hoped to become...
I still believe in prayer and faith...and love and beauty...I believe that this Saxophone was put into my life for a reason...there is a blessing in that Saxophone...
So, in a few days...I will update on this little story. believe with me...Pray with me...have faith with me...
Even when something seems to be broken...there is still sweet music to be made...and all things will be made new...this is my Faith...Heck, this is my life...
I have been waiting...waiting...waiting...for so long...waiting to have someone play the sweet notes that are my life...I was broken...locked up in a case...sure, I sounded good and looked good...
I was not done yet...
now, I am ...I am made whole...right now, in this moment, I am made whole...
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
The Essay
Recently, I was going through some boxes in the garage and came across a large mamilla envelope that said, FOR DONA. The words were in my Grandma Carter's handwriting. Upon opening, I found several letters and cards and poetry that I and written over the years; she kept them, all this time...included was a play that I wrote for an Oral Communications class and an essay for a Senior English class...I remember this essay, we were assigned to write this at the beginning of the school year....the play, I will post another day...that one is a whole other story...pretty deep for a 17 year old kid...the essay is below....
A little over seventeen years ago, my spirit came from Heaven bearing orders from God to place myself into the unborn body of a baby whose name would be Dona Lackey. Soon after my birth, my soul repressed the memories of the life I had before and began making new memories, some to cherish and some to hate.
A little over seventeen years have passed and I now find myself sitting in a Senior English class writing a theme on where I came from, where I am and where I am going. My first thought was, "Well I came from my mother and father. I live in Waldron, Arkansas and I know I am going home after school's let out." but then I thought, "Wait a minute I'll write something a little deeper than I ever have before!" After I established that, I began writing my theme.
To answer the question, "Where I am", I am going to say that I am a lost soul searching for her place in the world. I am scared and worried about what the next step is. Perhaps when I reach my ultimate goal, I am not sure what that is yet, but anyway, when I reach my ultimate goal, everything will work out.
"Where I am going." That is a good question, because I could say, "I am going to Kansas City to a photography school, then perhaps to college to study writing and later to a well-earned career. But I cannot say that because I have no idea what my future holds. All I know is that after I die, I will go to Heaven to cleanse myself. Then receive orders from God to find out which unborn child I will become.
*************************************
Interesting....I'm laughing...I graduated High School, moved to Kansas City...got a job, a house and then a car....I did begin Photography classes and did not finish them...I was into a boy..AHHHHHH those were the days...much later, I did finally get a couple of college degrees and I do a have a rewarding career... The whole study writing thing...anyone who has ever taken any college classes will know that no matter the degree...you study writing...LOL....
A little over seventeen years ago, my spirit came from Heaven bearing orders from God to place myself into the unborn body of a baby whose name would be Dona Lackey. Soon after my birth, my soul repressed the memories of the life I had before and began making new memories, some to cherish and some to hate.
A little over seventeen years have passed and I now find myself sitting in a Senior English class writing a theme on where I came from, where I am and where I am going. My first thought was, "Well I came from my mother and father. I live in Waldron, Arkansas and I know I am going home after school's let out." but then I thought, "Wait a minute I'll write something a little deeper than I ever have before!" After I established that, I began writing my theme.
To answer the question, "Where I am", I am going to say that I am a lost soul searching for her place in the world. I am scared and worried about what the next step is. Perhaps when I reach my ultimate goal, I am not sure what that is yet, but anyway, when I reach my ultimate goal, everything will work out.
"Where I am going." That is a good question, because I could say, "I am going to Kansas City to a photography school, then perhaps to college to study writing and later to a well-earned career. But I cannot say that because I have no idea what my future holds. All I know is that after I die, I will go to Heaven to cleanse myself. Then receive orders from God to find out which unborn child I will become.
*************************************
Interesting....I'm laughing...I graduated High School, moved to Kansas City...got a job, a house and then a car....I did begin Photography classes and did not finish them...I was into a boy..AHHHHHH those were the days...much later, I did finally get a couple of college degrees and I do a have a rewarding career... The whole study writing thing...anyone who has ever taken any college classes will know that no matter the degree...you study writing...LOL....
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Darkness
Darkness decends as a cloud of smoke
Wafting down upon my heart
Smokey clouds all around
And I am not able to see
The path is dark
And I am blind
Struggling as a newborn mouse
SMall, Naked, and Blind
Who will come save me
Who will fight through the smoke
Fight through the haze
And see my name
And feel my soul
And breathe their breath against my ear
Who will clasp their fingers within mine
SMile into my eyes
Who will save me
There is darkness in this day
Darkness all around
And I throw my hands up in the air
Surrender, I surrender
I pour my heart out th the night
I sing a song of dark delight
My surrender swirls around the smoke
The cloud moves and a teardrop falls
Reflections of light redeem me
The light washes me
Even through the darkest night
The light sees me
Where I was once Blind, Naked and SMall
I can see
I am clothed in radiance
My spirit grows taller than the RedWood trees
I have risen above the dark despair
I am climbing heights of greatness and beauty
Who will save me
That is my choice
By my own hand I will rise
By the light of mercy I will grow
Who will take my hand and follow
Who wants to grow?
Wafting down upon my heart
Smokey clouds all around
And I am not able to see
The path is dark
And I am blind
Struggling as a newborn mouse
SMall, Naked, and Blind
Who will come save me
Who will fight through the smoke
Fight through the haze
And see my name
And feel my soul
And breathe their breath against my ear
Who will clasp their fingers within mine
SMile into my eyes
Who will save me
There is darkness in this day
Darkness all around
And I throw my hands up in the air
Surrender, I surrender
I pour my heart out th the night
I sing a song of dark delight
My surrender swirls around the smoke
The cloud moves and a teardrop falls
Reflections of light redeem me
The light washes me
Even through the darkest night
The light sees me
Where I was once Blind, Naked and SMall
I can see
I am clothed in radiance
My spirit grows taller than the RedWood trees
I have risen above the dark despair
I am climbing heights of greatness and beauty
Who will save me
That is my choice
By my own hand I will rise
By the light of mercy I will grow
Who will take my hand and follow
Who wants to grow?
Monday, August 8, 2011
On Being Alone
Golden
Whether awake or asleep
I am unafraid to be the woman
I am
There is power and beauty
Sensitivity and grace
I am too much for mortal man
I seek a god as companion
Mere man cannot understand
The energy and power living and breathing
Coursing through my veins
I walk my days alone
There is no golden-hearted throne
No heir to my heart
No heir to my soul
No match to the love living within my soul
I am unafraid to know what I want
To understand what I seek
A golden heart, a golden soul
Emblazoned with passion
Emblazoned with power
I will know you
By the scent of your flower
The beauty of your soul
The strength of your mercy
Your golden hearted throne
Do not ask for my hand, mortal man
Do not ask to dance
For you see,
I am unafraid to be the woman
I am
I enjoy being single. Truth...Yes
I miss the intimacy of a loving relationship. Truth...Yes
I am comfortable in my skin.
I know who I am and what I want in life and in relationships.
There are lifestyles and people that I choose not to associate with because of their choices in life...
Yes, we all make mistakes. Truth...Yes
Yes, we all deserve forgivness. Truth...Yes
I do not choose to hang out with liars or abusers...
My choice...
My way of life and my being..
I make this choice, because I have had them in my life.
I have made excuses for them.
I have seen myself weak.
I am not weak.
Sometimes, there comes a time when you must learn how to be alone.
To learn how to love yourself.
To be comfortable in your own skin and to know that you are worthy...
Worthy of all your wants and desires in life.
I want to have a loving and committed relationship with my twin flame/soul mate...
I do not choose empty meaningless relationships just because I am alone...
Without love, I would rather be alone.
I will live my days in joy, knowing that I have not settled by choosing someone who does not complete me...
Sure, sometimes...I am lonely...Sometimes I want that companionship...
And then I remember, at what cost? What do I sacrafice in order to settle with a person who does not love me and I do not love in complete beauty...
Whether awake or asleep
I am unafraid to be the woman
I am
There is power and beauty
Sensitivity and grace
I am too much for mortal man
I seek a god as companion
Mere man cannot understand
The energy and power living and breathing
Coursing through my veins
I walk my days alone
There is no golden-hearted throne
No heir to my heart
No heir to my soul
No match to the love living within my soul
I am unafraid to know what I want
To understand what I seek
A golden heart, a golden soul
Emblazoned with passion
Emblazoned with power
I will know you
By the scent of your flower
The beauty of your soul
The strength of your mercy
Your golden hearted throne
Do not ask for my hand, mortal man
Do not ask to dance
For you see,
I am unafraid to be the woman
I am
I enjoy being single. Truth...Yes
I miss the intimacy of a loving relationship. Truth...Yes
I am comfortable in my skin.
I know who I am and what I want in life and in relationships.
There are lifestyles and people that I choose not to associate with because of their choices in life...
Yes, we all make mistakes. Truth...Yes
Yes, we all deserve forgivness. Truth...Yes
I do not choose to hang out with liars or abusers...
My choice...
My way of life and my being..
I make this choice, because I have had them in my life.
I have made excuses for them.
I have seen myself weak.
I am not weak.
Sometimes, there comes a time when you must learn how to be alone.
To learn how to love yourself.
To be comfortable in your own skin and to know that you are worthy...
Worthy of all your wants and desires in life.
I want to have a loving and committed relationship with my twin flame/soul mate...
I do not choose empty meaningless relationships just because I am alone...
Without love, I would rather be alone.
I will live my days in joy, knowing that I have not settled by choosing someone who does not complete me...
Sure, sometimes...I am lonely...Sometimes I want that companionship...
And then I remember, at what cost? What do I sacrafice in order to settle with a person who does not love me and I do not love in complete beauty...
Saturday, August 6, 2011
The Cycle of Life
Again
by Dona Lackey on Friday, November 19, 2010 at 12:01am
I'm a dry creek bed
Rocks hot, rocks cold
Sun shining bright and burning
ShadeTrees reaching out, shading
Sitting on the porch swing, swinging
Life is like biting into a fresh, tart apple
Life is like biting the worm feeding on that apple
Sweet, sour and unexpected
And expected
Surprised and disappointed
Then, eating around the worm hole
To finish most of the apple
Thinking of hot rocks, cold rocks
Touching them and running
Yeah, touching them and running
I feel you out there in the breeze
I feel you in the wind
Rain falls down
Rain pours gently
Ground takes in the rain
Rocks look wet again
Til the sun shines
Til the sun shines
I am a dry creek bed
Dry creek bed, again
Life has cycles
Life has meaning
There cannot be one happening
Without another to balance the change
The rain will come again
The creek will flow
Time will be served for the cycle of life
Watch me grow
Anybody want an apple
Round and round and round life goes...Last year, I finally told my son that I had a disease. I did not tell him the name of the disease, just that sometimes, I get tired and need to rest...I let him know that there was nothing to worry about, I was not going anywhere, anytime soon.
Time has passed and a simple posting in a group on FaceBook brought my HIV status to the forefront of all my friends. I have been open about my status to family and close friends, and those who have sought me for intimate encounters... I was a little bit freaked out, at first and then I figured, WTH and posted a blog about my HIV and then a video about my positive attitude and self-worth...This was all fine and dandy...and I figured, I might as well tell the kid the name of my disease and how I came to be Pozitive...
My son is 10 years old and at this time does not have a complete understanding of sex and explaining HIV and how it was transmitted to me was interesting... His first question, was "what is a condom?"... ARGH!!! LOL
His next question, was "did 'He' give it to you on purpose?"
Needless to say, I had to calm the kid down about my ex...He was so ready to be mad...
The next thing he said, was "mom, you are so healthy...Why were you so worried about me knowing?"...
Ahhh this kid... it wasn't so much that I was worried about him knowing, it was...how do you give a kid the concept of an STD mixed disease/virus? I explained it to him in a way he would understand and reminded him that his sex class in 5th grade would be coming up in the middle of the school year and he could choose whether or not to talk about my HIV status...
Honestly, I do worry about the other kids possibly teasing him or name calling...I don't worry about me, but I do not want my son affected by the stigma... I explained the stigma associated with the Poz status...and still, I am giving him the choice to speak about me, or to wait until he is older...I will stand by his decision, gracefully...
The cycle of life happens...
for every happening, there is a reaction/action...
What is right, what is wrong...
This is a matter of perspective and my way of reacting to the action taking place.
We all choose how to be in this life...
How we react by the choices we make.
I choose to make my life fantastic!
I choose to react in a way that shouts to the world that I am doing alright!
I choose to raise my son to be a good and decent human being who is not defined by labels, because this mama...is not and will not ever be restricted to a label...
My son does not care that I am HIV Poz...all he cares is that I am his mom and that I spend quaility time with him... I plan to do everything in my power to stay healthy and well and keep my son happy...
and so, just call me Dona...because that is my name...my label...Dona
by Dona Lackey on Friday, November 19, 2010 at 12:01am
I'm a dry creek bed
Rocks hot, rocks cold
Sun shining bright and burning
ShadeTrees reaching out, shading
Sitting on the porch swing, swinging
Life is like biting into a fresh, tart apple
Life is like biting the worm feeding on that apple
Sweet, sour and unexpected
And expected
Surprised and disappointed
Then, eating around the worm hole
To finish most of the apple
Thinking of hot rocks, cold rocks
Touching them and running
Yeah, touching them and running
I feel you out there in the breeze
I feel you in the wind
Rain falls down
Rain pours gently
Ground takes in the rain
Rocks look wet again
Til the sun shines
Til the sun shines
I am a dry creek bed
Dry creek bed, again
Life has cycles
Life has meaning
There cannot be one happening
Without another to balance the change
The rain will come again
The creek will flow
Time will be served for the cycle of life
Watch me grow
Anybody want an apple
Round and round and round life goes...Last year, I finally told my son that I had a disease. I did not tell him the name of the disease, just that sometimes, I get tired and need to rest...I let him know that there was nothing to worry about, I was not going anywhere, anytime soon.
Time has passed and a simple posting in a group on FaceBook brought my HIV status to the forefront of all my friends. I have been open about my status to family and close friends, and those who have sought me for intimate encounters... I was a little bit freaked out, at first and then I figured, WTH and posted a blog about my HIV and then a video about my positive attitude and self-worth...This was all fine and dandy...and I figured, I might as well tell the kid the name of my disease and how I came to be Pozitive...
My son is 10 years old and at this time does not have a complete understanding of sex and explaining HIV and how it was transmitted to me was interesting... His first question, was "what is a condom?"... ARGH!!! LOL
His next question, was "did 'He' give it to you on purpose?"
Needless to say, I had to calm the kid down about my ex...He was so ready to be mad...
The next thing he said, was "mom, you are so healthy...Why were you so worried about me knowing?"...
Ahhh this kid... it wasn't so much that I was worried about him knowing, it was...how do you give a kid the concept of an STD mixed disease/virus? I explained it to him in a way he would understand and reminded him that his sex class in 5th grade would be coming up in the middle of the school year and he could choose whether or not to talk about my HIV status...
Honestly, I do worry about the other kids possibly teasing him or name calling...I don't worry about me, but I do not want my son affected by the stigma... I explained the stigma associated with the Poz status...and still, I am giving him the choice to speak about me, or to wait until he is older...I will stand by his decision, gracefully...
The cycle of life happens...
for every happening, there is a reaction/action...
What is right, what is wrong...
This is a matter of perspective and my way of reacting to the action taking place.
We all choose how to be in this life...
How we react by the choices we make.
I choose to make my life fantastic!
I choose to react in a way that shouts to the world that I am doing alright!
I choose to raise my son to be a good and decent human being who is not defined by labels, because this mama...is not and will not ever be restricted to a label...
My son does not care that I am HIV Poz...all he cares is that I am his mom and that I spend quaility time with him... I plan to do everything in my power to stay healthy and well and keep my son happy...
and so, just call me Dona...because that is my name...my label...Dona
Thursday, August 4, 2011
A Thousand Tears
A Thousand Tears
by Dona Lackey on Wednesday, August 18, 2010 at 1:07pm
I saw him as he is
I saw him in his true form
The reduction of his manhood haunts me
The reduction of his essence enlightens me
The form that he has taken is a disguise
A hat to wear for a time
He is the shadow of a man who could be
The shadow of a man who is
The shade of his spirit haunts me tonight
The reality of his touch
Pains me deep inside
I have cried a thousand tears for this man
I hoped in him
I marveled in him
I gave my blood for him to live
I became a raisin
Shriveled and wrinkled
I let him suck my soul dry
Until I was barely living, I was dry
In dying, I live
In the dryness I sought water
Gaining moisture, I live
I live by my own hand of desire
I live in the light of love and mercy
I cannot give my life's blood to him again
Let him live because he wants to live
Let him gain the moisture of a thousand tears
And return them to me
So that I know
So that I understand who this man really is
Give me back my thousand tears of sorrow
Give me back the life I gave to you
I don't know how you are the man
You say you are
In this moment, I hope
I hope that you become the man you have been fighting to become
I ache for you to become strength
I ache for you to know and understand mercy
To know and understand love
Understand love...
You can love a person and love them and love them and love them...and they do not have to return our love...The hardest part of loving another, is when you learn that you have been used and the love was in vain...
people live and people die, everyday...Choose your lover wisely...
The hardest part is in letting go...
When I love, I love with my whole heart and all of my being...
When you realize that the one you love does not return your love, it hurts...it cuts like a knife and the wound often stays open...
How do you heal a broken heart?
How do you allow the scab to fall away?
I believe the most important part of loving, is learning how to let go...
The love I feel for him is real
Just as real as my breath and my toes
The energy is alive and is circulating me
He knows that he hurt me
He knows that I still love him
He also knows that I do not want him in my life, ever again
I still cannot say his name without feeling like I shouldn't say his name
It lies as a curse within my mouth and I alter his name to keep from giving energy to the love that surrounds me.
I hope for him
To live his life in fullness and in love
As I will one day turn to loving another with my whole heart
For you see, my heart has been returned to me and now for the mystery...
Where the hell did I put that key so that my heart can be placed inside me...
by Dona Lackey on Wednesday, August 18, 2010 at 1:07pm
I saw him as he is
I saw him in his true form
The reduction of his manhood haunts me
The reduction of his essence enlightens me
The form that he has taken is a disguise
A hat to wear for a time
He is the shadow of a man who could be
The shadow of a man who is
The shade of his spirit haunts me tonight
The reality of his touch
Pains me deep inside
I have cried a thousand tears for this man
I hoped in him
I marveled in him
I gave my blood for him to live
I became a raisin
Shriveled and wrinkled
I let him suck my soul dry
Until I was barely living, I was dry
In dying, I live
In the dryness I sought water
Gaining moisture, I live
I live by my own hand of desire
I live in the light of love and mercy
I cannot give my life's blood to him again
Let him live because he wants to live
Let him gain the moisture of a thousand tears
And return them to me
So that I know
So that I understand who this man really is
Give me back my thousand tears of sorrow
Give me back the life I gave to you
I don't know how you are the man
You say you are
In this moment, I hope
I hope that you become the man you have been fighting to become
I ache for you to become strength
I ache for you to know and understand mercy
To know and understand love
Understand love...
You can love a person and love them and love them and love them...and they do not have to return our love...The hardest part of loving another, is when you learn that you have been used and the love was in vain...
people live and people die, everyday...Choose your lover wisely...
The hardest part is in letting go...
When I love, I love with my whole heart and all of my being...
When you realize that the one you love does not return your love, it hurts...it cuts like a knife and the wound often stays open...
How do you heal a broken heart?
How do you allow the scab to fall away?
I believe the most important part of loving, is learning how to let go...
The love I feel for him is real
Just as real as my breath and my toes
The energy is alive and is circulating me
He knows that he hurt me
He knows that I still love him
He also knows that I do not want him in my life, ever again
I still cannot say his name without feeling like I shouldn't say his name
It lies as a curse within my mouth and I alter his name to keep from giving energy to the love that surrounds me.
I hope for him
To live his life in fullness and in love
As I will one day turn to loving another with my whole heart
For you see, my heart has been returned to me and now for the mystery...
Where the hell did I put that key so that my heart can be placed inside me...
A Vision or a Dream
Vivid dream or vivid vision, you decide.
In 1996, for a short time I stayed with my paternal Grandmother. One night, as I lie sleeping I had an amazing dream. In the dream I awoke in the early morning hours and walked outside. Walking toward me was, Jesus. Dressed in garbs of gowns such as anyone would imagine Jesus to look... I laugh because he was walking so happily toward me, almost strutting...very cool to see...he called me out to the street and we talked. I cannot remember our conversation yet I do remember what happened next. Looking into my eyes, he reached deeply into my abdomen and scooped out the darkness. The black and gunky darkness that was coating me internally. He threw the mess onto the street and proceeded to jump up and down on the top of the mess. As he jumped the darkness was thrown and returned to the earth, disappearing into the street. The color reminded me of a dark grape stain as it splattered to the street...When he was finished he asked me to look at what was left...beautiful pearl/opal glowing seeds... He reached down and scooped as many as would fit in his hands, off the cement and placed them back within my abdomen. One seed was left in his hand, he took my hand and placed the seed within my palm; looking deeply within my soul he said "Plant the seeds so my children know, so my children grow"....
And I awoke...
Love is beautiful.
I often contemplate this dream/vision and wonder about my role as a planter of "seeds"...There is so much more to life than just waking in the morning and going to work and doing the same pattern over and over and over and over again...
Who is going to smile?
Who is going to laugh?
Who is going to sing?
Who is going to plant those seeds?
Just what are those beautiful white opalescent glowing seeds?
In planting the seeds of love, will you nurture your seed?
Water and tend to the tenderness within?
Will you allow yourself to grow in love and in mercy and in compassion and in truth?
Will you weed and tend to the soil surrounding the seed?
The soil is your body.
Will you take care of your body so the the love will grow?
I can tell you about love and life and the light I see...
I can touch your heart and your soul with love...
Will you take the seed?
Will you grow in compassion and in strength of beauty?
Will you let your light shine upon the seed of love?
As love grows, love is tender as it breaks through the seal of your flesh...Let it take root deeply within and flower mightily so that others see the love and light and mercy from you...
As the flower grows seeds are formed...
Harvest them...
plant them in the heart and lives of all you come in contact with...
In 1996, for a short time I stayed with my paternal Grandmother. One night, as I lie sleeping I had an amazing dream. In the dream I awoke in the early morning hours and walked outside. Walking toward me was, Jesus. Dressed in garbs of gowns such as anyone would imagine Jesus to look... I laugh because he was walking so happily toward me, almost strutting...very cool to see...he called me out to the street and we talked. I cannot remember our conversation yet I do remember what happened next. Looking into my eyes, he reached deeply into my abdomen and scooped out the darkness. The black and gunky darkness that was coating me internally. He threw the mess onto the street and proceeded to jump up and down on the top of the mess. As he jumped the darkness was thrown and returned to the earth, disappearing into the street. The color reminded me of a dark grape stain as it splattered to the street...When he was finished he asked me to look at what was left...beautiful pearl/opal glowing seeds... He reached down and scooped as many as would fit in his hands, off the cement and placed them back within my abdomen. One seed was left in his hand, he took my hand and placed the seed within my palm; looking deeply within my soul he said "Plant the seeds so my children know, so my children grow"....
And I awoke...
Love is beautiful.
I often contemplate this dream/vision and wonder about my role as a planter of "seeds"...There is so much more to life than just waking in the morning and going to work and doing the same pattern over and over and over and over again...
Who is going to smile?
Who is going to laugh?
Who is going to sing?
Who is going to plant those seeds?
Just what are those beautiful white opalescent glowing seeds?
In planting the seeds of love, will you nurture your seed?
Water and tend to the tenderness within?
Will you allow yourself to grow in love and in mercy and in compassion and in truth?
Will you weed and tend to the soil surrounding the seed?
The soil is your body.
Will you take care of your body so the the love will grow?
I can tell you about love and life and the light I see...
I can touch your heart and your soul with love...
Will you take the seed?
Will you grow in compassion and in strength of beauty?
Will you let your light shine upon the seed of love?
As love grows, love is tender as it breaks through the seal of your flesh...Let it take root deeply within and flower mightily so that others see the love and light and mercy from you...
As the flower grows seeds are formed...
Harvest them...
plant them in the heart and lives of all you come in contact with...
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