Believe

To believe, or not to believe...that is the question
Whether tis nobler in the mind....and so on and so forth...

Seriously, I have long searched out why I believe what I believe...

As a child, I was raised RLDS
Later, I went to denomination after denomination trying to figure out where my church home was...I found so much hate for other religions in the church...I never understood that...why, if we are Christians and supposed to love one another and not be judgmental...why are we judging every other religion that exists?

I visited Pentecostal, United Pentecostal, Assembly of God, Baptist, Southern Baptist, Methodist, Lutheran, Presbytarian, Episcopal, Catholic and non-denominational...

I did find, that I love mass...I love the quiet solitude and the presence that I feel and experience in the prayer, during mass...

I have also experienced...that it is the people...not the always the church that makes these judgments...but, didn't Christ say that the people are the body...and the body the church/bride... so, I shake my head and wonder...

And I thought...What happened to worship...real worship of a god...the lay down on the ground belief that the worship must be pleasing to god for fertility/crops/growth/abundance...Where did the primitive worship go...so, I started researching many religions...pagan, hindu, buddihist, christianity, judiasim, and others...just to see what they believed and how they worshiped..why they worshipped...

I didn't research, alone...I did this with prayer...and meditation...and lots of reading...I found out things that I never before knew...The key thing to remember here...is that I searched many texts...not just one author's thoughts...but many...and through prayer...I understand why I believe what I believe...and see religion the way I see it...I am not going to try to sway anyone...but, I urge you to educate yourselves...and find out why you believe what you believe...

Or, will you follow the masses...and let other's beleifs dictate your beliefs? Will you allow your children to be like the herd and follow~because of fear...and dive off the cliff to destruction...

People get angry when religion is discussed...I don't understand...
I can tell you that I like the color red..and you will tell me that you like the color orange...and I don't get mad...

Why do people get so angry about religion?
The prayers of the people go where the prayers are supposed to go...

I said what I needed to say

My previous blog was about an ex boyfriend coming into town...Well, he came to town and visited me...
I heard the same story, how he loves me and there isn't anyone else...he has been on his own and not even dating.
Needless to say, I didn't believe him. I listened to his story and I let him hold me and caress me...it was nice...I hadn't been touched in a while.
The second day he was with me, he was sleeping on the couch; so I decided to take a look at his phone...keep in mind~this is the man who cheated on me and help ensure that my life was irrevokably changed~forever...
His phone had no contacts and was basically wiped except for the "sent" text messages. The first on, was to a person in the State that he came from to visit me...it said "I love you, I am coming home I want to make us work" and then there were two other texts sent to the same # expressing his love and devotion...funny, that is exactly the thing he did to me when he went out of town to work...and then he never came back...

So, I waited...I didn't say anything~I wasn't mad; just disappointed that he would have the gall to lie to me...still...

I drove him back to his brother's house and asked him...So, tell me about your girlfriend...
His response was Huh...I don't have a girlfriend...
I said, Yes you do...I checked your phone...I saw your sent text messages that said how you loved her and want to make things work...

He immediately started getting flustered...tried to convince me that she was a room-mate and that he cared for her...I just laughed...

I told him, I don't care if you have a girlfriend...We have not been together for a couple of years...have one, have two...do you think I have been sitting around waiting on you to come back? I've been dating and last year I had a really cool thing going on...and then I screwed it up because of my trust issues that I have because of our relationship.
If you are telling her that you love her and are coming home...then go home and love her...You cannot do anything for me...I cannot put myself through this again...

I told him, that I love him...I am not interested in being with him...
I have many options and I want to be happy!!!
The couple of days that he spent with me...I was not happy...I felt oppressed and nervous...
I don't want that feeling!