The Saxophone

I love the saxophone. I love the way the passion is played from the lips and from the heart...The breath of life externalized in art and sound.
All my life, I wanted to learn how to play that instrument.
As a pre-teen to teenager, I was extremely introverted and lacked confidence.
I often chose not to try things, simply because I did not want to fail and if I didn't do it, I would not make a fool of myself...

That was a horrible choice.
I have learned much since that time and now, I do everything that I want to do...I try...and I do it...and I do whatever I want to do, well.

In 1995 I started going through some changes. Life changes. Changing the way I made decisions. I had gotten involved with a few people who led a seriously detrimental lifestyle and I jumped right into it, head first...My world began to spin out of control and I was not happy. I could feel that something was gonna change and I was not sure what that was gonna be...and so, I began praying.

I started going to church again...as a matter of fact, my first night back to a church I was wearing a bright orange/flower cutsie outfit...one that flattered my cleavage and had quite a high hem line, flattering my rear... ;) High strappy heels... ummmm, the church happened to be a United Pentecostal church. The women still wear long skirts, long hair and no makeup...very old-fashioned...it was also a Revival week...I walked right up to the front row and sat down...the entire church looked at me...and I smiled very proudly... Honestly, I cannot believe that I did it...suddenly it was time for them to "save" me...I swear the entire church swarmed just to lay their hands on me so that I could recieve the blessing of Christ...

Needless to say, it was very over-whelming...Later, they told me that my Baptism when I was a child was not effective and I needed to be baptised all over again and I went ahead and did it...to make them happy...

Time went on and I eliminated the friendships that were tearing me down and I left Kansas City, for a while...I moved back to Arkansas for about 8 months. I needed to get in touch with myself, my prayer and my place in the world. It was during this time that I learned how prayer is answered and how faith is defined. I learned to ask for what I wanted and to believe that all I needed would be provided to me...Many prayers were answered in this time period and the one that I want to focus on now is "the saxophone".

One day, I was praying about the desire to learn how to play the Sax...I just didn't have enough money to buy one at that time...so, I prayed about it...and felt this peace...At that time I was working in a Tyson Chicken Factory, cutting out chicken butts and that my friends is a whole 'nother story... ;)

On one of my breaks, a woman I worked with came up to me and said here, God told me to give this to you. In her hand as a wad of cash. She was praying earlier in the day and felt compelled to give me $100. I told her that I could not accept it and she said no, she had to give it to me, she felt that I needed to buy something important with the money. As the money was placed in the palm of my hand, I had the sudden "knowing" that as soon as I got off work, I needed to go to Mena; a town about a little over a half an hour from the town I lived in...and find a music shop. There would be a saxophone there for me to buy for $100.

I did not have a car. My mom was my transportation and I told her what happened. She drove me to Mena and we found a music store. I walked in. There it was. The first one that I saw. I asked the guy how much and he said that one is $75. There is a piece broken but otherwise in good working condition. I bought it right then and there...bought the reeds and went home in a very happy and satisfied mood. I taught myself how to play that sax... the part that was broken, I never did get it fixed...I just went around that particular note...

Years have gone by. Time happened and I had different responsibliites and I did not pick that sax back up. There she sat, in her case, waiting...waiting...waiting...1997

2011...My son wants to play in band. He originally thought about playing the flute, because the band teacher wants more flute players...
I thought about it, and asked the kid if he would like to play the sax and his eyes lit up! He went and got her out of her case and I assembled the parts...and he blew...and it made a sound...he was hooked...

Today, I took the sax to a repair shop. I am hoping the part can be fixed so that my son can play this Sax in band. What would be even cooler is if it only cost $25, to equal the full $100 that was given to me all those years ago...We shall see what this instrument has in store for us...

Time happens and emotions happen and things change...My brother died in a car wreck and part of me stopped living...I stepped back into the wild life again...running hard and fast and falling apart...drinking every night and dancing... I did not want to think...and then my son happened...becoming pregnant woke me back up to reality and I knew that I had to get back on track...Life became clear and my son saved me from an early death...That, my friends...is a whole 'nother story... because I am not supposed to be able to have children...

Sure, I was unwed...single...my son's father went back to his ex-wife before I told him that I was pregnant, so I didn't tell him til later... (he was mad for a while)

Sure, a couple of years later I become a bit more Positive than I ever would have hoped to become...

I still believe in prayer and faith...and love and beauty...I believe that this Saxophone was put into my life for a reason...there is a blessing in that Saxophone...

So, in a few days...I will update on this little story. believe with me...Pray with me...have faith with me...

Even when something seems to be broken...there is still sweet music to be made...and all things will be made new...this is my Faith...Heck, this is my life...

I have been waiting...waiting...waiting...for so long...waiting to have someone play the sweet notes that are my life...I was broken...locked up in a case...sure, I sounded good and looked good...
I was not done yet...
now, I am ...I am made whole...right now, in this moment, I am made whole...