Vibrations

Sometimes, the urge to write overwhelms and fills me full of a kind of desperation. The urgency is intense. The need cannot be quenched until I sit at a blank piece of paper or a blank document on the computer. My hand to pen or keyboard and I sigh... there is the beginning of relief because I know that somehow I am gonna recieve a really cool message. The other night, I could not sleep. I was 100% awake. I did not feel the need for rest and at the same time, I knew that I needed to get some sleep for the day ahead. So, I figured if I can't beat em....I will at least try to join em... Here is where I sat up and began to meditate. An extremely simple meditation, no thought...no focus...only the sound of silence. Silence is where I find my greatest peace. Silence is my real home. My place of rest. As I settled, I began to listen. I heard the sound of the crickets singing outside my window and then above the sound of the earth I heard the silent ring begin to rise. Singing ever so sweetly, my comforting ring of silence. There are many levels of sound. The earthly sound, which is what we all hear...life moving and living...The ring of silence, as I mentioned before is a bit of a higher tone than the sound of life moving...I often wonder if this is the sound of an energy, being...The sound is similar to the noise of a hearing aid screeching, only not as loud or aggravating... As I settled and listened to my silence, I begin to notice a new sound. A deeper sound. One that resonated in a vibrating sense within and all around me. I could still hear the earthly sounds and the ring of silence...and distinguish one from the other, so I focused on the new sound to find out what I would be able to hear and feel...What I noticed, was that as I concentrated on this vibration...the other sounds began to dissipate...In curiosity, I focused my "hearing" on the other sounds and could return to them quite easily...yet still...this new one...this deep hummmm of vibration intrigued me. This sound comes from a higher place, in the realm of my understanding, I hear the ring of silence at my ear level. The earthly sounds at my body level. This vibration sound came from higher up...My awareness of the place was at least six feet above and diagonal from my head. As I continued listening, let me consider this word...listen...when considering this way of understanding, this deeper vibration...it isn't entirely a listen...it is a feel...it is what it is...there is not a listen in the sense of listening...not a feeling in the sense of feeling...it is an experience...and I remember marveling at the way I was experiencing this movement of energy... Could it be that I slipped outside of the realm of time. Where the movement of time does not exist and all is an experience. All is happening at once and all is known, at once. My world still revolved, I still sat on my bed...and at the same time...there was nothing and everything all at once... I saw myself/or experienced myself walking (moving) up a dark incline...mountain like...toward a cliff overlooking a large expanse of whatever it was...mist and darkness...if I was in a place where "thought" mattered...I would have called it a sea...yet here...there was no thought...there was only what was happening and what was happening was something I am still not sure how to "be" with...There was a woman in a light blue cloak long dark hair up in a lose bun. She was concerned and aggravated with me for not listening to her. I did not hear words, only the impression of her feelings...she did not like that I take the initiative to go forward without consulting her...she is my guide...and I am as a rebellious child who believes that I can handle all of my tasks here...alone...in my way...and in my time...for her...there is no time...she only feels the agony when I feel the agony...she feels the love when I feel the love...the sadness...the excitment..and so on and so forth...She experiences my all...with me...in my all-ness...She needs to prove herself to me..to be adequate for the job at hand and for some reason...in my stubbornness...I do not allow her to consult with me...I go above her...I am not trusting her... I always listen. I always question what I hear. Seem shocked that I am right. Yet, expect that I should be right because I already had an inkling of an idea. The knowledge has always been there. Easily accessible for me...Is it that I do not trust my higher self? What happened that has caused me to question what is known? My higher self is experiencing my entire life in completeness...past, present, and future do not exist in her place of existence...So, how do I bring it all together...how do I bring it in...and let it be what it is...and relax into myself... So, I listen to this beautiful, tragic woman above me..on a cliff overlooking what might be a sea...and I quietly drift off to sleep... Days later...I know I need to encounter this moment, face myself and begin to trust in acceptance.