One night, I needed to express my self through art and this is what happened. The woman in the picture above is the feeling that poured from my fingertips to the paper...Did I know that I felt this passion toward unrequited love...probably. Did I understand how to feel this passion and disperse the emotion to the wild of life...no.
I fell in love with a man. I gave him my all, my heart. I was prepared to love him to the ends of the world. I locked up my chest, because he held my heart. Time went by and I misplaced the key, forgot all about the key. Forgot all about returning my heart, to my chest.
That happened a long time ago. He is no longer with me. Sure, I hear from him from time to time~the same story, the same line. He says that he loves me and wants us to work and so, My heart is held in my hands because I keep holding it out to him...He is so far away, living in another state with another woman. He twists the truth, little by little so that he has the opportunity to come back to me. I know truth from lies and for many years I let the lies slide, because it felt so good to let him have my heart. What am I supposed to do with that damn key? I know that the misplaced key is lying right behind me and all I have to do is reach down, pick up the key, unlock my chest and return my heart...
Knowing this, does not make it any easier.
Facts are facts, He changed my life, Changed the way I see the world and the people living here. The way he changed my life, is a whole other story in itself and another way of redefining "State of Mind"...
I let him back in, once...I saved his life, literally...put him back together piece by piece. As soon as he was healthy enough, he left. Gone...just as simple as that...
All I have ever wanted, was to be loved the way I love...to be held the way I hold...to have a person feel my passion and return the same~Part of a team that is working toward the same goal...When I am lied to, this takes away the respect and trust between people. To lie to someone is belittling and proving the lack of integrity living/dying within a person.
My stories are definitions of me, yet the emotion behind the story is the same across the world. All of us have loved and lost and loved again and hurt and raged out in pain...forgot how to trust and then trust again to only let the ghosts of yesterday invade the new relationship and destroy what could have been beautiful...
Everybody is afraid, to a degree. I almost think this is why people lie to people. When you lie, you recreate yourself and the image you hope to portray. Tell a little story and twist the truth, because you don't have the guts to be yourself. You don't have the guts to lay it on the line and be 100% truthful with any one person, because of the the fear of being seen as who you really are...OMG! don't you all get it! You are seen, no matter the story, no matter the twisted truth that you hope people see...People know when you are based on a lie, people see...sometimes, not in time... ;(
To really love myself, I had to be totally open and honest with me and people all around me...I won't lie to you. I may not tell you everything in your timing, but I will tell you...You ask me a question...whatever it is, I will answer it with truth, no matter how hard it is for me...I don't want twisted illusions creating a story around me...I just want to be me...
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