A Louse Dream

Last night as I slept, I dreamt part of my scalp left side middle area of about an inch, itched. As I scratched my head, I found a Louse. All I could think is… How do I have LICE!!! In the dream I was transported to a time when my First Grade class was all checked for lice. I was called out as having the bugs. I had to sit in the hall and wait for my mom to pick me up. I had to wait a long time. Horrible feeling, like there was something wrong with me… and you know…all I could think is… My head doesn't itch. I don't have lice. So… My mom took me to the health department and I was rechecked, only to find out that I never had Lice. Only a bad case of dandruff. I remember feeling Numb. Embarrassed. Empty. Sitting in that quiet hallway, alone. Quite the experience for a little 6 year old. 

In this dream, I felt all those emotions and wondered how the heck did I get these bugs. How did I not know or feel them sooner. How was I gonna walk in to a drug store and pick up Lice Shampoo and not feel like I have the Plague. I felt empty and let go of all my emotions. The only way to handle the bugs, is to just do it. Get it over with. 

In part of the dream, I wondered…How long can I get away with having the bugs before people begin to notice. Can I hide them? Can I go through my days with the bugs and be MYSELF? The answer is no. Hiding something is not the way for me. Covering up for another, is not the way for me. I cannot truly be my Self when a parasite is affecting my life. Lice travel from person to person. Before long, I would be spreading the parasite and causing problems in other lives because I did not handle the situation in my own life. 

This morning, I looked up the meaning of Louse Totem and found this.

 Louse(Totem) (Lice) -- Being sucked dry by too many responsibilities or torn in too many directions by well-meaning people, the louse is a message to withdraw and resist being pulled into situations we do not wish for ourselves. Lice are parasitic creatures that require a host in order to exist and indicates that we are either asking too much from others or they are asking too much of us. http://spiritwalkministry.com/spirit_guides/bug__critter_spirits

I do have allot of responsibilities.  I do feel pulled in many directions. Torn in my responsibilities and in what I want. I do cater to myself when possible and shut down emotionally when the parasites in life begin to suck. I forget myself and go through the motions. Some situations are not for me and now is the time for me to see the parasite and quit being a host. Once the host is dry, the parasite moves on. Consider this… How does PLEASING everyone benefit me? When I am dried up and unable to give….They (collectively) move on. 

Consider, "Well-Meaning" People. Yes, they do mean well. They really do. Remember, their meaning is not your meaning. Their need is not your need. Their reason for sucking you dry, has nothing to do with you. Release them. They will find a new host. They always do. 

Consider yourself. Are you asking for too much from another? Have you become the parasite? Look into your meaning. Look into your needs and release yourself into your life. 

Life is about lessons. Learning and creating a better you. Examine your life. Discover your Self. Deepen your ability to be a greater YOU!

Daily, I work on my Self. I want to be the best person, possible. To me and everyone I am associated with… 

I am not the Best Person, yet… I am a work in progress and I will always find the lessons life offers. 

Namaste

Dona

Turning 40

I've turned 40, by the trial of fire. I love being 40, the age thing is amazing! I feel young and healthy. Well,I was sick the entire week prior to my birthday. I made it tho!! My little sister came up for the weekend, to celebrate our birthdays.

Our mother is a different kind of person. Every thing she does is to serve her. She knows my sister doesn't eat pork. Well, guess what was on the menu. Nothing but pork. No one sees her, the way my sister and I do. No one really knows the bull shit residing in her.

The day before my birthday, she brings her entire storage unit of boxes to my house. I have a small house. No room for storage. Everything is in the yard and on my front porch. She said she was going to go thru the boxes and throw away things, sell things and then give away things that didn't sell. So far, her keep pile is large. On my birthday, she was still going thru boxes...she depressed HERSELF and told me that she didn't do anything for my actual birthday because she was sad about all the things she read in the boxes. Dead people's belongings. Like bills and crap from long dead relatives. Those things should have been thrown away long ago.

I'm just hurt because she didn't consider me at all. I do everything for her. Everything. And I am still having trouble with her lack of considering me. When I always consider her. I would really love for her to move out of my house. She is the one person who irks me. Who stresses me.

And then I feel bad. Am I supposed to be more compassionate? More patient? How do I heal from this? She has an inability to reach my expectations of a mom. My expectations have always been low, for her...but I always keep this hope...

I don't even know that I want to see all the lessons in this..except, I will aspire to be amazing and caring to all in my life. Without her inability, I would not have my abilities.

I am still hurt and mad.

A little something about KARMA

KARMA defined~ the force generated by a person's actions held in Hinduism and Buddhism to perpetuate transmigration and in its ethical consequences to determine the nature of the person's next existence. http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/karma

To transmigrate is to go from one state of existence, to another. So many people "get" the whole concept of KARMA, wrong. I often see posts on social websites about the negativity of a persons actions and how KARMA will bite them in the ass. How is having a negative attitude toward another human being going to benefit you during your transmigration from Earth to your next existence. KARMA is not handled in this life. A person's way of being will be handled in-between lives and metered out in a personal way as depicted by the soul in question and warranted in their next life. KARMA is a personal way of keeping your spiritual life in check.

What I would like to see, is some positive connotations placed upon this word, KARMA. When you see someone doing something fantastic, comment upon the awesomeness and how KARMA is cool! Good KARMA is beautiful! Leave the judgments behind. Leave the negativity behind. Let us raise our energetic awareness to a point where we change the energy surrounding us. Turn negative energy to positive energy. Let us raise our own KARMIC awareness and let others join in on the energy train. 

Here is an example of a post I would like to see changed to something with KARMIC approval… 

One, Ignorant people do not realize anything. The definition of ignorant is~~~ 

a : destitute of knowledge or education <an ignorantsociety>; also : lacking knowledge or comprehension of the thing specified <parents ignorant of modern mathematics>

b : resulting from or showing lack of knowledge or intelligence~~~Merriam-Webster online dictionary

The definition shows the ignorance and vindictive nature of the person who created this diatribe. Let us watch our words and energy we put out in the world. I also hear folks say, KARMA is a bitch. I disagree. KARMA is not a bitch. KARMA IS what KARMA is to be, subjective and  personalized. 

Let us take time to watch our SELVES and feel the magic of who we are and how we are changing the world!!! 

KARMA is BEAUTIFUL!!! 

Much love to you and you and you!!! 

Namaste

Dona

Her Soul

In walks this woman
With her soul in her hands
A little bit of darkness
Her light shines
Essence of tragedy
Her soul beams
See her walk in
With her soul in her hands
There you find a woman
Made. Not Born
Birth cannot make this
Tragic Darkness shine
Her soul sings, divine
Her soul is terrifying
Her soul is alive

Human Heart

My human side is crying, tonight

I need to see my soul

Look deeply within my own eyes and see

All the lessons pertaining to me.

My soul is ancient

My heart is new

My spirit sings in breathlessness

My spirit sings to me

Comforts my aching humanity

How do I remember the dreams in my soul

How do I remember my place in life

How do I get past this mortal flesh and live, again

My Human side is crying, tonight

My Soul is holding onto me, tight

Ancient fire burning bright

Ancient answers living inside

Ancient, I am ancient

I am here for a purpose

For a message

And yet, I seek 

A human who does not exist. 

Oh, stay my heart from tears

Quiet my human burning

Quiet the story my flesh sings

Let me complete my purpose

The design I designed, just for me

My human side is crying, tonight

A couple of Visual Meditations

I enjoy meditation and seeking the inner realms. One night during a meditation, this is what I saw.
01/02/13
I saw a woman upon a dais. Wearing sky satin blue with the symbol of a left-sided crescent moon and a circle, between them.. two arrows. One pointing up and the other pointing down. Very similar to the symbol I use in my artist signature. CXO…only her way feels right and my way was not correct, it was close but now I know my sigil.

She had a baby. She was Royal
Dark hair and green eyes. She wore the crescent moon upon her forehead-a band around her head.
She was lovely and graceful and loved the child. The dais was opulent and luxurious.

A lion gave me my sword, from his mouth came my protection.
the sword was placed upon my hands
The lion spoke to me-of my protection, of my courage and of my valor

I saw smoke rolling and fire behind me, I was short and seeing through the eyes of a child, saved-the only survivor by a man and a woman in a carriage
I was told that I have always been alone
never feeling as tho I belong
I have sought the sigil of protection many times, I am a seeker and a finder.
I always find what I seek.
Even tho I am alone, I am not really alone, not ever because I always find what I need. In this, I am protected.

this evening of the third morning of the fourth, I seek my sigil, my protection, the meaning.
01/04/13
As I begin, I lie before me Rock of Earth, Crystal as water, Candle as fire and incense as air. Manuscripts of sigils and symbols, pen, pencil, journal of the angels, a wand and selenite. Including my hand written journal. Around my neck is my male/female athame set. To begin the circle, I will use a thin knitted scarf, woven by me, connected.

Within the knitted circle
Sit I
Strings woven
Interwoven Connecting all of life.
Air around me
Stir Round and round
Create a circle fair
Create a circle wide
Protect my thoughts
Protect my dreams
That I might see
A sigil about me
A sigil of my ancestry
Protection
Grounding
Inner Sight
Let this sigil be seen
So mote it be.

I was a bit trepidations as I began my journey.
Flickering candlelight ans sandalwood incense, no music, only my breath and the ringing sound of silence with a higher octave of intention. I could see the flickering light behind closed eyes and almost felt the light was an interruption. I saw myself waking into a meadow where my large oak tree lived and was my Asian bald man monk. in an orange robe, smiling at me and bidding me welcome. I had trouble staying there. yet, he was guiding me. I don't remember the worlds. flickering light and Adele's song "Rolling in the deep" kept playing in my head, then I went deeper within the higher octave ringing and my mind connected with greater expanse. Everything turned to liquid. Here, I was still hiding onto fear. Spider was there, leading me to connect mind to heart to greeter expanse. My heart beat with anticipation and fear of letting go. Spider said, you are holding tightly onto your fear. and I said, I know. And I yelled out my desires of all that I wanted and that I wasn't. Spider told my to trust. I said I would trust. Spider said let go of your protection and I let go. As I lied upon my bed, I gave myself to spider to lead me into the dream. Candles out, closed eyes and I could see her web. I could see her and her womb was painted with stars. She said come and I followed her into the dream. You don't have to be afraid. Do not use fear as your protection for it will bind your.

There are a couple of visual meditations… I have more written down… There are some cool lessons within the visions… they have deep meaning for me. Basically how and  who I am is deeply interwoven in the visual meditations. Some may not fully "get" what I have written…and that is okay… The ones who will.. will.

The Dead Are Living In My Mind Tonight

Flashes of faces come and go

Memories like pictures fade

Until the moment they live again

The mind is awkward 

The mind is strong

A scent of perfume 

A lost love song

A simple scarf around a neck

A smile from one face to another

And I see you, alive again

I remember you

I remember the first moment our eyes connected

The way you walked in your heels

The dress you were wearing

So beautiful

My surprise, when you smiled at me

Your first hello

Flashes of you 

Flashes of you

You and I, friends 

We became friends that night

You are alive in my mind, tonight

Living and walking

Breathing and being

Your energy touching mine 

I feel

Tangible words do not exist

Because you smiled

And I smiled

We met and our lives collided 

There is unfinished business between us

You are dead and I am living

Your energy is calling

Your energy is a reminder

A beautiful reminder

My tears are for the loss 

Your awkward grace

Your misshapen hands

And tilted feet

I remember you