Sunday, January 22, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
Questions
One of my friends is beginning a website about HIV and has asked me to share my blogs, pics and artwork...along with, she is asking a couple of questions to all who are sharing on her website...
1) What has living with HIV taught you?
Living with HIV... Well, it is better than dying with HIV... I am still the same person I ever was. Smarter, in a sense because I am more cautious with what or who I allow in my life. Not for fear, but for my State of Mind. I have learned more about my self-worth and I understand my value.
Just the other night, I was over at a cousins house. She has known my status since the beginning, as have her entire household. The kids and her husband...They have never treated me different and the kids have been inquisitive, in a good way...
I was sharing, with my cousin about some HIV POZ folks who only date other HIV POZ folks...and she immmediatly stated that those POZ folks who did that were doing the right thing...
That did not sit well with me...am I not allowed to pursue a person I want to be with? Despite how she still loves me, she is not supportive of POZ folks dating NEG folks... and it boils down to education. She even went so far as to ask me if the NEG men who are interested in me, are actually POZ...because in her mind, she cannot fathom how anyone NEG could even desire to be sexual with a POZ...
It boils down to protection. Anyone can get this. Even if two supposedly NEGative people are having sex...when one goes and has unprotected sex with a stranger...and then returns to the relationship...there is a chance of contracting HIV... Me having HIV and knowing, is Knowledge. By knowledge and education, I will do everying in my power to ensure that no one contracts this from me...I am still a person. I am still the same person that I ever was and no one, has the right to take that from me... I have the right to pursue happiness...and if happiness happens to be with a NEG or POZ...then so be it...My choice...their choice...and our lives...
~and~ even POZ to POZ sex has danger...one POZ person can give another POZ person a new strain of the virus...so, the answer does not lie in POZ to POZ, rather LOVE to LOVE...
I choose love...always...
2) If you could change one thing in our fight for HIV what would it be?
I would change the education at the public/private schools. So many people think OMG, how can you teach children about this disease and sex...well, heck...most schools begin the puberty class in the 4th grade...and the sex class in the 5th grade...by then, kids are wanting to experiment... we are sexual beings...we put things in places because it feels good and we touch things because it cause a tremble of excitment... and then we want to do it again and again. We can teach kids about protection, all day...and the risk of disease...the risk of pregnancy...and still, kids will do what kids do...they will experiment...and think about it...most of us reading this have children.. Most children happen from unprotected sex...or a broken condom...look around at the kids...change them to and STD and double that...all it takes is one person coupling with another person to spread a disease...or create a child...Look at all the children...and then consider the risk of disease...consider the risk you have put in your life, all for a cheap thrill...all because you don't like to use a condom...
Education is the key to survival...and we need to educate in an extreme and real way...because life is extreme...Life is real...
and, nothing...sugarcoats HIV...Nothing
1) What has living with HIV taught you?
Living with HIV... Well, it is better than dying with HIV... I am still the same person I ever was. Smarter, in a sense because I am more cautious with what or who I allow in my life. Not for fear, but for my State of Mind. I have learned more about my self-worth and I understand my value.
Just the other night, I was over at a cousins house. She has known my status since the beginning, as have her entire household. The kids and her husband...They have never treated me different and the kids have been inquisitive, in a good way...
I was sharing, with my cousin about some HIV POZ folks who only date other HIV POZ folks...and she immmediatly stated that those POZ folks who did that were doing the right thing...
That did not sit well with me...am I not allowed to pursue a person I want to be with? Despite how she still loves me, she is not supportive of POZ folks dating NEG folks... and it boils down to education. She even went so far as to ask me if the NEG men who are interested in me, are actually POZ...because in her mind, she cannot fathom how anyone NEG could even desire to be sexual with a POZ...
It boils down to protection. Anyone can get this. Even if two supposedly NEGative people are having sex...when one goes and has unprotected sex with a stranger...and then returns to the relationship...there is a chance of contracting HIV... Me having HIV and knowing, is Knowledge. By knowledge and education, I will do everying in my power to ensure that no one contracts this from me...I am still a person. I am still the same person that I ever was and no one, has the right to take that from me... I have the right to pursue happiness...and if happiness happens to be with a NEG or POZ...then so be it...My choice...their choice...and our lives...
~and~ even POZ to POZ sex has danger...one POZ person can give another POZ person a new strain of the virus...so, the answer does not lie in POZ to POZ, rather LOVE to LOVE...
I choose love...always...
2) If you could change one thing in our fight for HIV what would it be?
I would change the education at the public/private schools. So many people think OMG, how can you teach children about this disease and sex...well, heck...most schools begin the puberty class in the 4th grade...and the sex class in the 5th grade...by then, kids are wanting to experiment... we are sexual beings...we put things in places because it feels good and we touch things because it cause a tremble of excitment... and then we want to do it again and again. We can teach kids about protection, all day...and the risk of disease...the risk of pregnancy...and still, kids will do what kids do...they will experiment...and think about it...most of us reading this have children.. Most children happen from unprotected sex...or a broken condom...look around at the kids...change them to and STD and double that...all it takes is one person coupling with another person to spread a disease...or create a child...Look at all the children...and then consider the risk of disease...consider the risk you have put in your life, all for a cheap thrill...all because you don't like to use a condom...
Education is the key to survival...and we need to educate in an extreme and real way...because life is extreme...Life is real...
and, nothing...sugarcoats HIV...Nothing
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Knight in Shining Armor
When I was a little girl, I asked my mother "what shall I be? Shall I be pretty, shall I be rich?" and this is what she said to me... Que sera sera what will be will be, the future is not yours to see que sera sera....
The song put a frame around me and caused me to realize that the future was mine... What will be will be... By my design...
My grandma bought me and all the little kids a couple of fairy tale books and nursery rhyme books... I loved my books... Daily, I read the stories wondering about the Princess's and the knights who came to their rescue... I believe in love and the beauty of love yet, I never have wanted to be weak. I have pushed so many men out of my life because of the fear of love and the fear of relationships ending. How do I find that place where my fairy tale dreams come true?
I never expect anyone to like me. When I am liked, I think it's cool and at the same time.. I expect people to not like me... Sometimes I don't feel like a real person. I am like Pinnochio... A doll who aches to be real... I'm a nobody with the face of a somebody...
Perhaps I need saving, from myself so that I don't disappear. Is there a knight out there?
The song put a frame around me and caused me to realize that the future was mine... What will be will be... By my design...
My grandma bought me and all the little kids a couple of fairy tale books and nursery rhyme books... I loved my books... Daily, I read the stories wondering about the Princess's and the knights who came to their rescue... I believe in love and the beauty of love yet, I never have wanted to be weak. I have pushed so many men out of my life because of the fear of love and the fear of relationships ending. How do I find that place where my fairy tale dreams come true?
I never expect anyone to like me. When I am liked, I think it's cool and at the same time.. I expect people to not like me... Sometimes I don't feel like a real person. I am like Pinnochio... A doll who aches to be real... I'm a nobody with the face of a somebody...
Perhaps I need saving, from myself so that I don't disappear. Is there a knight out there?
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
A Vison...A Dream
I had a vision
A dream of timelessness
Complete one~ness
Connected physically
Connected spiritually
A cellular bond
Souls bonding
And physical recognition
The Two shall become One
This completion is as old has time
In the beginning
Time and Matter were separate
From Soul and Spirit
Our world was created when Time
Mated with Spirit
For Matter cannot exist without Time
As Soul cannot exist without Spirit
The passion collided and new life was formed
A world of Spirit filled Matter
Trees and grass
Earth and stone
Humanity was born
In passion, we transcend time
Returning to the beginning
Returning to the memory of Spirit
The first mating
The first ecstasy
The first time we truly connected as one
A dream of timelessness
Complete one~ness
Connected physically
Connected spiritually
A cellular bond
Souls bonding
And physical recognition
The Two shall become One
This completion is as old has time
In the beginning
Time and Matter were separate
From Soul and Spirit
Our world was created when Time
Mated with Spirit
For Matter cannot exist without Time
As Soul cannot exist without Spirit
The passion collided and new life was formed
A world of Spirit filled Matter
Trees and grass
Earth and stone
Humanity was born
In passion, we transcend time
Returning to the beginning
Returning to the memory of Spirit
The first mating
The first ecstasy
The first time we truly connected as one
Friday, November 25, 2011
Remember The Love That Wasn't
Memories pulse within
I wonder at the eloquence of thought
I feel the trapdoor open
My thoughts spill toward the sunlit sky
Who are you to invade my being
Why must you come unannounced
I feel the terror of our love
The love that wasn't
Remember this
Times you lied
Times you cheated
Times you caressed my soul
Fingers bold and brazen
Fingers taking and making me yours
Times I wonder at our relationship
The relationship that wasn't
The love I gave was not in vain
I learned many lessons
Remember this
Times you lied
Times you cheated
Times you caressed my soul
Fingers bold and brazen
Fingers taking and making me yours
Memories of you
The tender caress
The light-hearted laughter
The way you held me close
Remember this
The love you gave
The ache of need
The passion and heat
When you left
Part of my heart cried
Part of my heart died
Buried in the ground
Concrete poured all around
Ripped tears from the jugular
Bloody tears pooled around
Drowning my soul
Drowning my soul
I look back at the memories
I see what I did not see
I understand what I did not know
You are not the man for me
You are not my heart nor my soul
You were a dream, for a moment
A nightmare for a time
A memory to have
A love to remember
A love to let go
Remember this
Times I cried
Times I loved
Times I gave
Times I forgave
Remember this
The Love That Wasn't
Memories pulse within
I am glad I remember
All that was and
All that wasn't
I wonder at the eloquence of thought
I feel the trapdoor open
My thoughts spill toward the sunlit sky
Who are you to invade my being
Why must you come unannounced
I feel the terror of our love
The love that wasn't
Remember this
Times you lied
Times you cheated
Times you caressed my soul
Fingers bold and brazen
Fingers taking and making me yours
Times I wonder at our relationship
The relationship that wasn't
The love I gave was not in vain
I learned many lessons
Remember this
Times you lied
Times you cheated
Times you caressed my soul
Fingers bold and brazen
Fingers taking and making me yours
Memories of you
The tender caress
The light-hearted laughter
The way you held me close
Remember this
The love you gave
The ache of need
The passion and heat
When you left
Part of my heart cried
Part of my heart died
Buried in the ground
Concrete poured all around
Ripped tears from the jugular
Bloody tears pooled around
Drowning my soul
Drowning my soul
I look back at the memories
I see what I did not see
I understand what I did not know
You are not the man for me
You are not my heart nor my soul
You were a dream, for a moment
A nightmare for a time
A memory to have
A love to remember
A love to let go
Remember this
Times I cried
Times I loved
Times I gave
Times I forgave
Remember this
The Love That Wasn't
Memories pulse within
I am glad I remember
All that was and
All that wasn't
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Inspired by The Alchemist by Paulo Cuelho
HEARTSONG
Everyday, I take strides toward my own Personal Legend!
I smile. Listening to my heart...
I say what I feel and I know what I know.
I feel the sands of time shifting and a righting of my world returning...
I hid for a while and now I rise from the flame and reach out to touch my fate!
Sun-kissed flaming lips and words form to create the beauty birthing from within.
See me from the inside...hear me, my words become tears transformed to diamonds...
I am strength and determination
I am hope and peace
I am living
I am death
I am part of now
I am part of this moment
I am here...
Where are you?
Do you know who you are
In this moment?
Do you feel the quest for knowledge in the secret part of who you are?
Do you seek your heartsong?
Do you feel the strings playing
And singing, bursting with pleasure?
I do.
I feel my heartsong.
I feel the pleasure.
I know the pain.
I express what I feel
Because I cannot contain this song...
This song will sing with me or
Without.
This song is part of my soul
Part of my heart,
Part of my Personal Legend.
Come on!
Let's sing it together!
We all have a place, a space and a note.
A life-story...a life meaning
A life message...
All of which becomes your personal legend!
What do you want?
What is the treasure you seek?
You do know that all of the universe will conspire for you when you ask...
Seek and you shall know.
Do you remember your life's path?
Remember me...
I will sing you a part of my heart song.
The part that plays for you!
You will remember your own
Personal Legend!
1/26/2010
Everyday, I take strides toward my own Personal Legend!
I smile. Listening to my heart...
I say what I feel and I know what I know.
I feel the sands of time shifting and a righting of my world returning...
I hid for a while and now I rise from the flame and reach out to touch my fate!
Sun-kissed flaming lips and words form to create the beauty birthing from within.
See me from the inside...hear me, my words become tears transformed to diamonds...
I am strength and determination
I am hope and peace
I am living
I am death
I am part of now
I am part of this moment
I am here...
Where are you?
Do you know who you are
In this moment?
Do you feel the quest for knowledge in the secret part of who you are?
Do you seek your heartsong?
Do you feel the strings playing
And singing, bursting with pleasure?
I do.
I feel my heartsong.
I feel the pleasure.
I know the pain.
I express what I feel
Because I cannot contain this song...
This song will sing with me or
Without.
This song is part of my soul
Part of my heart,
Part of my Personal Legend.
Come on!
Let's sing it together!
We all have a place, a space and a note.
A life-story...a life meaning
A life message...
All of which becomes your personal legend!
What do you want?
What is the treasure you seek?
You do know that all of the universe will conspire for you when you ask...
Seek and you shall know.
Do you remember your life's path?
Remember me...
I will sing you a part of my heart song.
The part that plays for you!
You will remember your own
Personal Legend!
1/26/2010
What Never Was
He calls me baby
He calls everybody baby
He says I love you
It is so good to hear your voice
What am I supposed to feel
Seriously, what am I supposed to feel
Baby, I love you
I didn't mean to hurt You
Who am I that men don't want to hurt
Who am I, really
You wonder why I have trust issues
You really wonder
Baby, Yeah...Baby
You call everyone baby
Who am I to believe the words
Any of the words that come out of your mouth
It's a lonely ole night
And I put my arms around myself
Everynight
It's a lonely ole night, baby...alright...
He says, your mad at me
I say, no...I am not mad
You HURT me
All you did was Hurt me...
I am bruised to the quick
And damaged to the world
You don't even know what you took from me
Baby...you don't even know
Hearing your voice
I don't know if I can hear your voice
You are the same as you ever was...
You are the same as you ever was...
Me, I am transcending this plane of existence
I am flying up high
Vibrations and Resonation
Leaving this world behind
Whatchu got for me
Got any of that good ole decency
Seriously, Whatchu got for me
I have to have integrity
I fell in love with an Angel
I fell in love with a Darling
I loved a man whose heart was true
And all I did was blame him for all that you do
Me, I am transcending this plane of existence
I am flying up high
Vibrations and Resonation
Leaving this world behind
What do I say to you
How am I expected to feel
What is the meaning of this song
What is the meaning of this song
Oh Baby...
Written June 7, 2010
After a phone call from the ex...I had to get the emotion out... One day, I would love to hear someone sing this...put music to it...
The awesome thing, is that....I can feel how I want to feel...express my emotion and walk on...
One day, I want what any other girl wants...someone true...yeah, a knight in shining armor... I don't need to be saved...I need to feel worthy of someone who is worthy of me...
I'm just a real girl with thoughts and feelings and a way of being....just exactly who I am...so, for now...I am just gonna keep improving who I am...cause the golden mister is just a smile away...
Learn from the past and head to the present...toward today...smile and know that beauty is zooming to you...sometimes it has to go around a few blocks...turn a couple of corners...open a few windows...and then BAM... there it is, the right thing...the rightness always happens...be patient...listen...feel your way out of the tangles...look ahead...there is a light!!
The phone call mentioned above...sometimes, I miss what could have been...and then I remember...that could have been never was...so why keep myself locked up in the memory of what never happened... I really like what Is happening now...I like the twists and turns my life is taking...so, I figure...enjoy the ride! Enjoy life... ;)
He calls everybody baby
He says I love you
It is so good to hear your voice
What am I supposed to feel
Seriously, what am I supposed to feel
Baby, I love you
I didn't mean to hurt You
Who am I that men don't want to hurt
Who am I, really
You wonder why I have trust issues
You really wonder
Baby, Yeah...Baby
You call everyone baby
Who am I to believe the words
Any of the words that come out of your mouth
It's a lonely ole night
And I put my arms around myself
Everynight
It's a lonely ole night, baby...alright...
He says, your mad at me
I say, no...I am not mad
You HURT me
All you did was Hurt me...
I am bruised to the quick
And damaged to the world
You don't even know what you took from me
Baby...you don't even know
Hearing your voice
I don't know if I can hear your voice
You are the same as you ever was...
You are the same as you ever was...
Me, I am transcending this plane of existence
I am flying up high
Vibrations and Resonation
Leaving this world behind
Whatchu got for me
Got any of that good ole decency
Seriously, Whatchu got for me
I have to have integrity
I fell in love with an Angel
I fell in love with a Darling
I loved a man whose heart was true
And all I did was blame him for all that you do
Me, I am transcending this plane of existence
I am flying up high
Vibrations and Resonation
Leaving this world behind
What do I say to you
How am I expected to feel
What is the meaning of this song
What is the meaning of this song
Oh Baby...
Written June 7, 2010
After a phone call from the ex...I had to get the emotion out... One day, I would love to hear someone sing this...put music to it...
The awesome thing, is that....I can feel how I want to feel...express my emotion and walk on...
One day, I want what any other girl wants...someone true...yeah, a knight in shining armor... I don't need to be saved...I need to feel worthy of someone who is worthy of me...
I'm just a real girl with thoughts and feelings and a way of being....just exactly who I am...so, for now...I am just gonna keep improving who I am...cause the golden mister is just a smile away...
Learn from the past and head to the present...toward today...smile and know that beauty is zooming to you...sometimes it has to go around a few blocks...turn a couple of corners...open a few windows...and then BAM... there it is, the right thing...the rightness always happens...be patient...listen...feel your way out of the tangles...look ahead...there is a light!!
The phone call mentioned above...sometimes, I miss what could have been...and then I remember...that could have been never was...so why keep myself locked up in the memory of what never happened... I really like what Is happening now...I like the twists and turns my life is taking...so, I figure...enjoy the ride! Enjoy life... ;)
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