Nothing Changes Who I am

I have been doing some reflecting. As most of my readers know, I am HIV POZ. My status does not change me. My status changes the way people see me. Some embrace me. Some simply disappear. Some put on the act of wanting to know more and I know that it is just to be nice so they can silently slip away as if I never existed. The more that I consider all of this, I know that none of this changes me. My status changes you. My status shakes you up and wakes you up and creates a new reality.

 I re-connected with a high school bud, a few weeks ago. A male. One that I crushed on. He and I chatted throughout the evening and he let me know that he was attracted to me and wanted to come see me…even tho he lives in another state. It would be nice to see him. So, before he could even contemplate a trip to come see me… I directed him to my blog. I asked him to read the story called "I'm Still Me" because it is a life changing story. He read it…and his response was, that is sad…and then he questioned me… Is it a true story? My response was WOW, no one has ever asked me that before… and yes…it is a true story…and then he said, I still think you are beautiful.

Does my HIV status have to change my beauty? no, I don't think so… I am beautiful. I am amazing. Nothing changes who I am…except, that story changes the way you see me.

I have had men tell me, I still want to fuck you… I have had men pursue me because they think because I am POZ that I am needy for love.

I am so not needy. Yes, I want love…I want love. I want love. I do not want pity. I do not want to be seen different and yet, I am seen different. Some people see me in a new light of respect, which is cool. I live my life like any other person except that I have to take a pill everyday to make sure I do not progress to any other diseases. I live my life to be happy and fulfilled. I live my life to take care of my son, so that he is happy and healthy. How is that any different?

I want to be looked at for who I am. Dona…

So, I don't know if I will hear back from my old high school friend. You know, and that is okay. Because, My story does not change me, it makes me even better, even stronger than I would have been if I had been just Negative Dona…now, I am Positive Dona…and that says a whole lot!

This is who I am:
Loving
Giving
Thoughtful
Considerate
Welcoming
Healing
Beautiful
Courageous
Unafraid
A mother
A sister
A daughter
A niece
A friend
A teacher
An artist
A writer
Positive

Nothing Changes Who I am and I only hope to one day find a person who cannot be changed and walk hand in hand, together…