Today's Vision

I am emotional. 

I wonder, where is my person?

I reached out to the Light and asked.

I saw a most beautiful female, filled with radiant power mixed with compassion

She held her left hand to her midriff pointing down and her right hand above her head trickling light and comfort down to me…

This light and comfort fell upon my head and infused my core being. 

I watched my heart being squeezed and scrubbed. 

Cleansed and the old blood forced out to make room for the new. 

I watched the light go through me and scrub where I am dark

Clean where I am fearful….

I asked again, why am I alone? Where is MY love?

She showed me a line of people who love me. 

People whose lives I have touched and been an amazing part of…

They all love me and I love them. 

The line was endless before me and beyond me. 

I looked within myself, and considered love…

I don’t know…and that is all, I do not know.

I need the sunrise and the sunset. 

The tender touch and the iron fist

I looked to her again and asked,

What did I ask for, in this life?

Did I ask for this?

To be a healer .. to be alone? 

To love so many and be loved in return without having a connection?

and then, my client came out of my massage room and said to me. 

My mom is dying of cancer and her time is close. 

I needed this, today

This is nice, to receive and not have to give…

You have to be receiving from someone to be able to give so much…

Tears fell from my eyes. I am still crying.

I do not know how to be any other way. 

I am compassionate

I give

I give

I give

I feel good about all I am 

the answer, is no… I do not receive very often. 

My source is the Highest source.. I go to the Light. 

I go to my inner realm, to the place where time does not exist

and there, I seek my help. 

There, I seek my soul…

I seek guidance and healing with the source of all connections

and there…in the inner realm, I am connected. 

The Bad Rim Job

Yesterday morning, I awoke to a flat tire.

This is the beginning of the bad rim job story.
This is the beginning of the lesson belonging to my mother's role in my life.

Yes, I have been struggling with accepting her affection; her love..I don't know how to accept those emotions, from her or from anyone, really...and now, I am learning...Acceptance has always been there, my perception to how I accept affection has been tainted. This Bad Rim Job is showing me how I am able to change MY perception to MY acceptance of affection.

My mom sent me a text message to tell me my the left back tire on my car, was flat. My response, "OK, Fuck!"
I was hoping she was wrong. Yeah, She was not wrong. I looked out the window and sure enough, my back left tire was flat. I made a little coffee and a little breakfast, sat down to eat and asked my mom to help me change the tire so I could take the tire up and get it fixed a a local tire shop.

Here is where my perception is screwed. I didn't ask to borrow her truck. I automatically assumed she would let me use her truck. She immediately put on warmer clothes to help me with the tire changing. No questions, not grumpiness... she simply helped me, because I asked. I accepted her help, easily. Am I able to accept her affection, just as easily...why have I made this sooooo difficult?

With teamwork, we were able to get the tire off of the car. I rolled the tire to her truck and threw it in the back. She gave me her keys and away I went.
No questions. I accepted her keys. I accepted her truck. This is easy. Accepting the physical parts of life. The reality is, even though I do not feel like I take advantage of situations, I do take advantage of her love for me. I expect her love to be there even when I do not accept her affection.

My childhood is not blurry. I did receive a limited amount of affection. The crazy thing, is...there was also a limited amount of physical items. Why do I make receiving the physical aspects of life easy, when the emotional is more fulfilling. Have I become superficial? I don't believe so, but... I have made affection's reception, superficial.

So, here I am. Driving my mom's pick up truck to the tire shop. The tire guy says, "sorry, this tire is not fixable, but I do have a used tire I can sell you, for $40." I smile and nod in agreement. Sigh with relief and go sit in the truck to wait...Five minutes later, the tire guy comes to the truck window and lets me know that he cannot fix the tire due to the rim. The rim is bent and a tire will not seal on a bent rim. He gives me the information to purchase a new/used rim or to have my rim fixed. the cost is between $110-$125... I cried. lots of tears. Frustrated. Extremely frustrated. I have so much faith in how the Universe provides and then something new comes along and BAM... I cry, because I get tired of the trouble. I am tired of money problems. I am tired of working so hard and spending money on car repair. Meanwhile, my mom texted to find out how everything was going and I let her know. I didn't mention to her that the rim had to be purchased at another location and upon arrival at home, she was ready to come out and help put the tire back on my car.

Here, once again...she was prepared to help me. I stormed passed her, went to my bedroom and began making calls to places for a new/used rim and to a place to repair my bad rim. I decided to go with the business that straightens bent rims. I went out to the kitchen and told my mom what was going on and that I needed to drive to Blue Springs to drop the rim off and then I would head on to work. I, of course was crying and fuming at my lack of luck and she said, "Dona, calm down."... really. Seriously. Do not tell me to calm down. I proceeded to let her know that I was not yelling at her, my tears are a response to my anger and stress at the situation and I needed to feel this emotion, to get passed the emotion.

Here, once again is where my perception is screwed. Why is the response to anger and frustration or stress easier to accept than affection or love? I am able to deal with all the other emotions in my life and yet, I choose to bypass love and affection. Writing this, is beginning to change how I perceive affection. Awareness is the beginning. The Bad Rim Job is teaching me one heck of a lesson. Okay, so I am crying, real tears...

Back to the Rim. I dropped it off and went to work, finished work and drove home. My Rim was supposed to be ready this morning. I called work to let them know I would be late. I intended on picking up the rim and  taking it back to the tire place and having that used tire mounted and going home to put the tire on the car and head into work. Seemed simple enough, until I called the Rim place. I was told my Rim was not only bent, but cracked and they would have to order in another rim. The new rim will not be in until sometime this afternoon.

I cried a few tears and considered how lucky I really am. I could have had a blow out or the rim could  have broken while I was driving and none of this happened. I am safe. My son is safe. My life is intact. So, I have to get a new rim and a new/used tire. Learn a lesson about affection/love and how my perception has been screwed. I am able to sigh with real relief. I am thankful for all the good things happening in my life. I am thankful for the Bad Rim Job.

Next, I will actually accept the affection/love which has always been there...by altering my perception.

And, hopefully....my tire will be all good by at least tomorrow. 

The Vagina Voice

Woman tho I am,
Feel me sing
Listen to me dream
Woman tho I am.

What is the vagina voice?
I am a woman.
I have a voice with a dream
I have a need with a purpose
I have a desperation with an exact intent
What does my voice say?
What did my voice do?
My vagina has needs
Not all are sexual needs
My love connects from my vagina to my heart
When I breastfed my son, I felt a pleasure inside my vagina.  Not a sexual pleasure, a satisfied pleasure. Something right was happening. The pleasure traveled up to my heart and warmth poured out as I embraced my nursing child.  This love is a deep love, a fulfilling pleasure.  How often do we grasp for this love, this pleasure and we are not sated. We close or heart to the pleasure of love and the voice.  We accept the in-adequate feeling convincing ourselves THIS is acceptable.  THIS is what I get.  THIS is what I deserve. 
We do not speak with our vagina voice.  We don't say, "I need to feel"..." I need more "... 
I want to feel you touch my heart while you touch my vagina.  Touch my mind, soul and physical body all at the same time. 
Speak from your vagina.  Speak from your intuition and your pleasure center, feel your heart sing out from your vagina.

LOVE and Live with pleasure... 

5/20/13

On This Harvest Moon

The full moon is a time to release what no longer serves you, or what you no longer need in your life or an aspect of yourself that you have outgrown.

To Harvest, is to REAP what you have sown… 
To bring in the fruit of your labor. 
To separate the Wheat from the Chaff….
To prepare for the Winter, the barren time… 

To begin, Center yourself and clear the clutter within. 
Meditate upon the sounds all around and begin to separate each sound from one another.
This Harvest moon, the Full Moon is in Pisces and this is a time of free flowing emotional energy!
Let the emotional energy flow in and throughout your body, mind and soul!! Be filled with love!

Consider the moment.
Consider the day.
Consider the week, the month and the past year!
Look through time and consider your life; your minutes…ask yourself,
What have I learned?
What have I learned?
What have I outgrown?
What baggage am I holding onto, in my life? Be it emotional or physical….

Begin the process of separating what is no longer serving you in this time period. Life is about living in the now. To be in the present we learn from the past and release. We move ahead without the excess baggage belonging to another life.

Next, write down your life lessons and give thanks for the lesson.
Write down what is not serving you in this time.
Visualize a broom sweeping and dusting your mind's corners...
Be thankful
Be thankful
Be thankful
Let the baggage go. Set the paper on fire, wash the burnt pieces away with water and let them fertilize the soil…

Prepare for celebration! Prepare for the bountiful harvest!
The good fruits of your labor to fill you with love and mercy!!
Illuminate your mind!
Create change for balance…
Burdens released, I step forward with the life's living fruit!
 I give to receive and receive to give again.

Personalize your Full moon ceremony. There is no right way. There is no wrong way. Be filled with love, your way is the right way!

I enjoy lighting candles and incense outside under the moon~sometimes I incorporate water…sometimes earth… sometimes only fire… sometimes all!
There are times when I want to be alone.
There are times when my son and I have the ceremony, together…
Sometimes friends come over and we all stand around a fire.. we each speak our words out loud, we cry and laugh and hug… we burn our words in the fire… we drink wine or beer…or water…
Other times, I will have a friend on speakerphone and we will do a moon ceremony together but separate…
Sometimes, I dance…
Sometimes, I sing…
Sometimes, I do both!

I am spiritual, not religious. I have tailored my moon ceremonies to my way of life. My beliefs. I urge you to do the same. Whether you pray to a god, goddess or nature… make This Time, your time…

Under The Harvest Moon!

Love's Angel

I have traveled the world
In search of truth
In search for love

Across time
Across the millennium
Many lives 

I have touched upon the secret
I have witnessed the beauty in death
I have tasted the bitterness in life

Alone, I have walked far into the night
Shadow, my sole companion
This life, this time is not for solitude

This time, 
This life
I am an love's angel

Sending love
Receiving love
Teaching love

Be an angel of love, with me
Send the light out into the night
Brighten the path and love

Let mercy become your friend
Let charity welcome hearts within
Breathe light, breathe love

Drink ambrosia's kiss
Dance in the wind 
Frolic with the grass

Let me love you
I will let you love me
Even if only for a time

Love proves to be free
Love across time
Love across the millennium








  

Embrace

Tasting your mouth
Lips touching lips and lips again
Tongues quenching the thirst, deep
Arms wrapped around arms
Arms intertwined with Legs
Hands holding hands and hands again
Embracing me
Embracing you
Embracing you
Hearts, Souls shatter
As the water fall flows
Plunging the depth, muscles quiver
Engaging one another and another again
Where does the pleasure end
Where does the pleasure begin
Holding your hand in mine
My hand caresses
Your hand pushes back a stray hair
I kiss your mouth
I kiss your mouth
Looking into your eyes, I see
Eyes looking back at me, smiling
Shared pleasure
Shared pleasure
Eyes closed tightly, feeling
Feeling, feeling
Open your eyes, sweet lover
Open your eyes
Watch and see
Watch your heart
Connect
Feel with your soul
And see with your eyes
There is where the truth lies

Strings

Oh play me your heart…
Strings, strumming
Bow bridging
My life up and down
Singing, swaying
I move to the beat
I move to the rhythm
Tears fly and hearts bleed
The music continues
The dance unending

Where do I pick up
A new beat
A new vibrato
How do I speed time
Faster than a 4/4 ratio
I need to sing
Yet the music carries me
Up, Down and around
Waltz with me
Waltz with me
While the strings play
The story my life sings.